While reading the Kuwait Times this morning I came across an article written by Muna Al-Fuzai which I find to be offensive, obtuse, and outright presumptuous.
When writing or sharing stories, we can only discuss what we have knowledge of. We can really only share personal experiences or something we’re intimately familiar with. Therefore, I have to question who her ‘source’ is. The story is written to be outright degrading to Western women to the point that it comes across bitter.
“This is the latest trend in marriages in Kuwait among expatriate women and Arab Muslim men! I’m not against mixed marriage, but I have my doubts over the success of these kinds of marriages, especially if each party has his or her own agenda to hook themselves to a stranger into a serious bond like marriage. (What agenda? Marrying someone they’ve fallen in love with?)
The Islamic marriage goes this way; the female is a Christian woman in her late forties, fifties or above, with no family back home or a spouse waiting. The male is a Kuwaiti or Arab man. The man, of course, has been married once if not several times. (I have never been a Christian, nor am I in my late 40’s, 50’s or above. My husband has never been married before and certainly not ‘several times’. He doesn’t have any other wife than me. This is the case with most Western women I know who are married to men from Kuwait. I would love to know her source for this statement.)
For them, it is an easygoing marriage in which they don’t have to spend much money and fulfils their fantasies of getting married to a Western woman with blue eyes and blonde hair. (I don’t have blonde hair or blue eyes. I was given exactly what is expected in the Kuwaiti culture, and probably even more since we had 2 cultural traditions to satisfy; gold, diamonds, dowry, marriage ceremonies on both sides of the world, houses, cars, etc. The difference is, I asked for NONE of it, nor did I expect it and even respectfully declined many things. I didn’t marry my husband for money, I married him for love. Should there come a day he can’t provide a comfortable life I certainly won’t be leaving him. Again, I believe every Western woman married to an Arab man [that I know] feels the same way.)
In fact, the men feel that they are undertaking a noble mission because these women convert to Islam in order to marry these Muslims men. Men feel proud, and the women could not find a better source to cover their expenses, needs and a secure shelter in case she is lucky to get pregnant and have a baby. (Cover their expenses? I thought we were cheap? Which is it? Writing an article with a number of contradicting statements show lack of research and/or limited sources. Resulting in an article based on emotion. Very poor writing at best. Oh, and lucky to have a baby?! Girrrrllll, put down that pipe.)
According to some of the sources, these woman are most likely homeless back home and broke. So they use Islam to solve their personal troubles. And this is why I reject and deny these kinds of marriages. (Homeless and broke? I’m a graduate degree holder from one of the most respected universities in the world. I’m proud to say I’ve always held lucrative positions of importance and eventually started my own company. While I do agree, there are many US contractors working in Kuwait making a ‘fair’ salary who are marginally educated and have no hopes of making a similar salary back home. Yet that doesn’t mean they’re broke or homeless. Nor does it mean they’re seeking to gain financially by marrying a man from Kuwait.)
In fact, most of the men, especially the Kuwaitis, don’t reveal their marriages with these women to their families and first, second and possibly third wives. (My husband’s family knew about me before they met me and long before we were married. They welcomed me with open arms and embraced me as part of their family. This is the case with the majority of those I’m familiar with as well. Except for one who has promised to marry a woman for years yet continues to hide her from his family.)
The fact that these women accept to stand in line with other women shows how desperate they are and I can’t blame the man because legally he is permitted to have four wives, but ethically I have never witnessed any successful marriage of this kind, Arabs or otherwise. (Of all the Western women I know in Kuwait who are married to locals, none of them are a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th wife [me included]. And though they’re all Muslim [many long before marriage] they are very clear they prefer to be the only wife… period. However, I am quite familiar with many Kuwaiti and other Arab women who are perfectly happy being in a multiple wife marriage.)
I can find an excuse for a Muslim woman to be in such a marriage due to the conservative nature of society, customs and tradition, but I fail to understand why any Western woman would come all the way to Kuwait just to be in such a marriage. (If by ‘Western’ she’s referring to Christian women why doesn’t she also address the fact that Christianity doesn’t recognize or allow multiple wife marriages?)
Islam is present all over the world, and she can find any Muslim man back home. It is a kind of unethical manipulation under the name of Islam. In our life today, we are witnessing some who use Islam to achieve their personal goals. Terrorists kill innocents under the name of Islam & they think they are serving their religion and some use their bodies to fulfil the needs of a man whom she would not even consider if she was in her twenties and had money. (What about the men who study abroad in the West and use Islam as their tool to manipulate women in their 20s who have money? Why is the man the victim? Because the woman is Western?)
These women accept these arranged marriages and live under stress just because of their needs. This kind of stress leads to many mental illnesses and more stress on the man who may put then put pressure on his kids or his other wives. I think there is a regulation about Kuwaiti men who marry non- Kuwaitis.
I wonder if it is ever implemented. The increase of such marriages has more negative outputs than good, and yet we are still watching these cases with no one trying to seek the root of the problem; the men for accepting such marriages or the women for making themselves goods for sale? I can never be against any kind of mixed marriage if it was for love and mutual understanding between a young couple who want to start a life together. But, when it is otherwise, I surely have my speculations over why it is happening.” (To make such a statement she should be required to show her source and a link to reputable studies to support this nonsense. I know in the most recent study done regarding Kuwait divorce rates local marriages had a much higher divorce rate than those who married a foreign woman.)
When someone is in a position to reach a high number of the population, you would think they would do so in a more responsible manner. Sadly, this article does nothing other than shine a negative light on a highly opinionated writer. It causes her to come across as bitter, angry, and even a bit jealous. It takes away from her credibility when it comes to future articles and leaves doubt in the mind of the reader in relation to her credentials.
Yeah, I’m disgusted.