The Arab/American Marriage

This is a post I wrote in Aug. 2012 and it’s gotten a lot of attention and over 200 comments which have lead to a number of conversations among readers. I’ve decided to give it its own page for easier access for return readers. The original post can be found by clicking the link below.

The Arab/American Marriage

12 thoughts on “The Arab/American Marriage

  1. Well I may have had a blessing in disguise after all! After splitting with Jamal n his foolishness. .I had another friend from Morocco who would just say Hello from time to time etc…friends only! He found out I was single…then he asked if I would consider him for serious relationship. .I was shocked! We had been friends for a yr…he was just nice man…he has been married. .to a American woman…no children…she had a child already tho..he is 43…very serious minded guy like me…hard worker. .very sweet. No games…I never had the funny vibe about him like the other one…who btw…text me in the last few days he was going to Morocco for him a wife…done found him one…he also knows I got the boyfriend now too…he asked me was that before he announced he was going to marry…I think he is just a vengeful man really who wanted to hurt me…I even congratulated him lol! He said he wanted to see me happy n not hurt…not all Muslim men are like him! Haha…I know Simo has never lied…I keep u posted..we will be together this weekend. .he is dying to meet n spend time…maybe God had a reason for this…thank u for the great advice!

    • Wishing you all the best. I’m sure you learned some valuable lessons with your previous relationship that you can carry into this new journey.

      • Can somebody please help me? I am American Muslim and wants to marry my 3 years girlfriend who is a Muslim too.She is from Saudi Arabia. She just can’t tell his dad about us and want us to marry secretly.Can I marry her without her family consent or any option please.Thanks I really love her πŸ™

  2. i need advise on weather i should keep this relationship going or not. My boyfriend is raised in american born in america but family from jordan. he has never been married and when i asked him why he said he didn’t like the women from his culture. That was rather odd to me because abab usually marry within their culture. His older bother had an arranged marriage so I’m guessing why wouldn’t he. I met him 2 years ago and dated for about 6 months. around that time he was distant with me and gave me the silent treatment a lot. i was confused at the way he was and didn’t understand him. i told him he was playing games and i cut it off. 2 years later we cross paths again and we go on a date to catch up. Immediately as we are speaking about the things we have been up too he mentioned how much he had missed me and that he never could replace me. He right away starting speaking about meeting my mother and how he would want her to know that i was protected while i was with him. He kept telling me how beautiful i was and how i was not the same as the women he had been dating. He went on to saying that he wants to finish his life with me. That he will consider marrying me. I was very alarmed by this and confused. Here i am hispanic women raised american and was not used to this honesty to quickly. i don’t know if i should believe him or not. Its been 3 months now and he has not spoke about since. I don’t want to bring it up either because i am not in a rush to marry him. I am surprised because i am not a virgin and I’m not from Jordan. i feel like he would want the same as his brother. but is brother is not americanized. my boyfriend is way more americanized then his brother. he speaks english very well and his brother doesn’t. i have met his brother and his best friend a couple of times that was before the two of them were married. i just don’t want false hope and to thinking he will choose me instead of a young virgin he can arrange to marry. thats the doubt i have if i should cut it off or wait in see.

    • Considering your boyfriend was born and raised in America I doubt he still holds much of his culture very close. His older brother more than likely felt an ‘obligation’ to the family to fulfill a ‘duty’ of marrying a woman from their homeland. It’s very common but not always expected of the younger males.

      Wishing you all the best.

    • *Protect, protective…. This word means something altogether different than the way we would interpret it. I agree with American girl that he is more than likely westernized but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t share the same traits as his family.

      My husband is second generation Lebanese and I recall him having the same exact conversation with my father about being protective. This is a great compliment that he is giving you. And I believe he is genuine for even having spoken with your family. But protection means he will do everything for you (provide, take care of “his family, take you everywhere you want to go – as he won’t like you to go alone) and you therefore have to show a devotion to solely him. In all things – his opinion, his ego, his authority,

      It sounds crazy and crazier than it actually is. It took me years to understand. So, in return for his love that is how he will expect you to return yours. And he won’t be able to understand if you can’t return it in that exact way because he feels he should be able to satisfy you in every way. He should be all you need. They love very passionately and family is everything. He should be his families answer and if he isn’t he is failing the family.

      It really takes a great sacrifice to commit to these different standards and easy to confuse his adoration with our own expectation of receiving our own standards. It could work out very well if you are able to accept these things. Food for thought.

    • That guy is a narcissist. Educate yourself. No normal guy will say all that, no matter what culture or country he came out of. Gawd. Your gut instincts were talking to you. I even heard it. Cheers.

  3. Hi,
    I was wondering if there is a good site, one that I could trust to find an American girl for my son who studied in the US and loved it there so much that now only an American girl will do or any girl but a Kuwaiti because most of them come from strict cultures and are not as free as the girls my son used to hang out with when he was in the States. Not that he had a serious girlfriend or anything like that, no! Now that he is back in Kuwait having graduated with a BA Degree in Electrical Engineering and working in a well reputed company here, it would be nice if he could make some friends and take it from there.
    A concerned mother.

    • I admit, this is a very odd request. However, if your son is interested in meeting women from other cultures and America, there are a number of them living in Kuwait. He can easily meet them in the local Starbucks, malls, etc. If you are seeking someone for your son to marry then I suggest you check with some local friends who can help to guide you. Depending on his age I might know a few people who are interested.

    • Hi there. As an American you will need to get a free to marry affidavit from the US (or divorce papers if you’re divorced). Then you’ll need to go to the marriage court (I can’t remember what it’s called) but your fiance will know. As for the actual wedding, that depends on his family. Generally, the women in his family will do most of the planning, invitations, etc. when it comes to the ceremony. I’m not sure if blood work is still required but it might be. Additionally, if your fiance is in the Kuwaiti military they might require ‘permission’ to marry a foreigner. Not sure how true that is, but I had heard it years ago. Make sure your marriage agreement clearly defines everything (dowry, payment if there’s a divorce, etc).

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *