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Mar 17

Are Western women more attracted to Arab men than Western men?

From the moment I first stepped foot in the Middle East a very long time ago, I immediately noticed how physically attractive the men are. I’m not a woman who is attracted to people based on their physical appearance so for me to make a mental note of the GQ’esque surroundings I knew they were something special. And it wasn’t just a select few every now and then, it was as if a trip to the local Starbucks was more like a photo-shoot at Playgirl… with clothes.

It wasn’t just me standing around wide-eyed and drooling. It seemed almost every woman I knew who came to Kuwait from the world of the pasty pinkish white people also realized they were suddenly surrounded by unlimited eye-candy. And not just the pretty kind you sit back and look at, but the interactive kind! Kuwaiti men (single, married, or otherwise) have absolutely no problem going out of their way to get the attention of a woman. Any woman. Not a beauty queen? No problem! Fake nails and hair? No problem! Overweight? No problem! The only criteria is being a female… and in some cases even that can be overlooked.

So what is the appeal? Is it their striking good looks? Or their ability to make any woman feel like a queen? Perhaps a combination of both?

Before you women start booking your tickets to Kuwait on the next thing smoking… there’s a downside. In most cases all that ‘love’ talk is temporary and lasts about as long as they’re getting what they want from the deal. And once they get what they want, marriage is pretty much off the table all together. The emotional games they play are destructive to a woman’s self esteem. Remember how he once made you feel like a queen? Yeah, the opposite of that.

Yet the merry-go-round relationship continues. Sometimes for years. Eventually the woman is asking herself how many personalities the man really has while questioning her own sanity.

Prior to marrying my husband, and armed with a great deal of information, one would think I would have stayed as far away from Kuwait’s eye-candy as I could. But I couldn’t. I found a great deal of comfort in the culture and knew any man I married would need to possess certain characteristics. I had very little in common with American men and those located in Kuwait were generally wrapped up with runaway maids. The option just didn’t exist. And though Kuwaiti men have a reputation for cheating on their wives with their girlfriends, and their girlfriends with the neighbor, and the neighbor with the hooker, there is a sense of loyalty only seen with true love. Once you’re ‘in’ and have their true love and respect, they begin to mature (a little). Their desire to protect and care for their wife outweighs that desire to conquer as many woman as possible. I guess this was my ‘selling point’. That kind of loyalty is difficult to find even among our dearest friends. Arab men make the absolute best husbands once you find one invested in marriage.

Could it be that we’re attracted to the drama? The chase? The challenge? Are Western women exactly like Kuwaiti men? Is it our common behavior which results in the attraction? Or is it the undeniable intensity that accompanies every interaction?

 

65 comments

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  1. Desert Girl

    I am, but that’s no secret. 😀

    1. American Girl

      I certainly am as well :) However, you are fully aware of every single game that can be played. And even with the information you have, you still remain positive, caring, loving, giving, and trusting. You allow people into your life and give them a chance o be different than the rest (as they all promise to be), and even if they’re exactly the same, you never sacrifice who you are to keep them around. You know what you want, but more importantly, you know who you are.

      1. Mujeebur Rehaman

        U think i don’t now
        Because iam not perfecet english

  2. Lily Young

    and vice versa , Lots of kuwaiti women are attracted to Western men. Kind of bizarre .

    1. American Girl

      Very true. I suppose I’ll post about that soon :)

  3. The Addictioneer

    “The only criteria is being a female… and in some cases even that can be overlooked.”
    Lool this so true. It’s like they’ll go for anything that looks or behaves feminine

    I gotta admit that you did perfect in explaining what could be called the life cycle of “Kuwaiti way for entering the golden cage”. It’s like at the beginning he wants to hangout with girls so he would wander around malls and sea side to get their contact numbers and save them in some of the most bizarre names to avoid those friends who used to steal girls contact numbers. Tells girls that he could put the moon right between their hands. He gets what he wants. Then it’s good bye. That loop would stop if he hits “his perfect girl” who happens to know how to play the game and would corner him to the golden cage.
    Stories can vary though :)

    A little off topic, My mom is Thai so she’s Asian and they say that Asian girls usually hit on any man who’s not Asian which some times true and racist in other times based on what I see here. Back to the western women, I saw many Aussie women gets more attracted to Lebanese men than Aussie men. That if you consider Australia as western country :p

    Anyways, what I like about the western men is that they have one heart that has one seat for one girlfriend or wife “usually”. Unlike men here with a heart that has multiple raws of seats between occupied and vacant. Nevertheless, “Arab men make the absolute best husbands once you find one invested in marriage” :)

    1. American Girl

      Thank you for your comment. I’ll definitely have to do one about those who prefer Western men.

  4. expatandthecity

    Hahaha…Guilty! Some are so handsome with their bronzed skin, dark eyes, larger noses and goatee.

    1. American Girl

      I totally agree. I’ve never been attracted to blonde hair/blue eyed guys. The darker, deeper, more exotic features were always my preference.

      1. louise

        I was involved with a Saudi man years ago and love, love, love them.
        They are very attentive and sexy.

        1. American Girl

          I hear that from almost every woman who’s ever been involved with a Saudi :)

  5. 7amanito

    Too much generalization..
    Too much unfairness..

    You go to malls and places like these and expect to find really decent people with brains and minds.. I bet that’s hard to find..

    1. American Girl

      I’m sorry but your comment confuses me. Are you implying I go to malls too much? Or that my post indicated someone doesn’t have a brain or a mind?

      Still confused.

  6. Umkhaloodie

    Yes. Guilty as charged.

    For me, it’s their smell (as they walk by in dishdasha whether it be oud or over-powering aftershave, I don’t care, they smell divine, and don’t get me started on those eyes. I just look at my husband and I melt

    1. American Girl

      Totally agree!! The smell! It’s divine and almost hypnotizing. I still have a little stack of KD in my clutch, pulled it out the other day, made my husband close his eyes and smell. He immediately said… “Kuwait”. I brought lots of bukhoor to keep the smell going even here in our US home :)

  7. Sarah

    Everything you said is so true! I’m half Kuwaiti and can see from both sides:) gave me a few chuckles too! X

    1. American Girl

      Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it and it’s nice to get an inside perspective :)

  8. Traveler

    Having lived a lot of places in the world, you see this kind of attraction often. I think part of it is the new prospect is just so different than what you are used to. I have dated American (black and white), Hispanic, German, Polish, Italian and many more — each had their own allure. It is a matter of those first few seconds that either clench your sensual psyche or cause you to not even remember the experience.

    Here a lot of women complain because men seek Filipina’s. Why? That is the kind of women they want, it is not competition.

    So Kuwaiti women like Western men? Have not met those women yet — but I would like to meet and get to know a Kuwaiti woman just for the experience. I find their dark hair and eyes captivating — also some seem to have a definite grace to their movements.

    1. American Girl

      I certainly agree with you to some point. ‘Different’ is sometimes quite captivating. However, in my case, I’ve been all over the world (almost) and can’t say I thought the same about the men of Germany, Ireland, UK, Netherlands, etc. as I do about the men of the GCC (Emiratis more than Kuwaitis, shhhh). Maybe other parts of the world just never clenched my sensual psyche :)

      Definitely not a competition. And no offense, but in many cases the Filipinas are seeking a ‘way out’ or a better life so they latch onto any American man they meet. And rest assured those are generally NOT the ones any American women I know would be interested in. So it’s almost as if they’re doing American women a favor.

      Meeting Kuwaiti women could be a bit more tricky than in other countries since rarely will they be comfortable just chatting it up with a random strange man. Especially in public. However, I do happen to know many who are interested in American men :)

      1. Traveler

        I can see the allure of a Filipina woman, in a lot of ways they are like the American women of the US in the 1950s — it is all about the man. But, that just never did it for me. I agree with what you said about a lot of the men who do hook up with them — it should be seen as a public service :)

        I found out after the fact that one had been flirting with me from across a cafe, I read a posting about the Blue Tooth methodology about a week later and realized what all the hand signs she was making meant. Oh well, not looking for anything — just want to expand my knowledge of the world.

        1. Traveler

          Oh by “one” I meant a Kuwaiti woman.

        2. American Girl

          It’s interesting you compare the Filipina women to the American women of the 50’s. I completely agree. Bedouin women are quite similar. Many don’t work, they stay at home and have several children, some never learn to drive since they don’t need to, and rarely will they leave the house without a man. I can see how that could be appealing to some men.

          I applaud your desire to expand your cultural knowledge. Some Americans go to Kuwait and never see anything but the road from Mahboula to Arifjan. Sad.

          1. Traveler

            That is sad. I have been to a few events at AWARE and overall I am enjoying my time here as best as can be expected.

            I even documented my experiences in my Blog and because of that have met folks like DG and ExPat (albeit in Cyber reality).

            Managed to write one novel and I am working on my second — so I even made use of my free time.

          2. American Girl

            I’ll definitely have to check out your blog. How did I miss it?! The Westerns bloggers in Kuwait are very close. Not sure if it’s that way in other countries with expats blogging. But many of us who blogged in Kuwait have met one another (though I’ve never met Expat), and provide a great support to one another.

            Kudos on the novel! What a fabulous accomplishment.

      2. Hamad

        Interesting information. I wish I had a chance to comment at the time of discussion. I am a Saudi man,educated, honest, and very westernized. I am living in Saudi and never thought I would be so attracted to American women. It is so cool to see American women loving the Arab culture. I always considered local men married to American ladies so lucky. I am not attracted to Arab girls… Perhaps because I lived in the US for a long time.

  9. Anonymous

    American men do not have to seek Filipino women as they are everywhere in Kuwait and target them to supplement their low income and a chance at a better life. None of us are interested in them here in Kuwait but feel sorry for the wife and kids back home.

    1. American Girl

      It is very unfortunate when there’s a wife back home who has to suffer through their husband’s infidelity… regardless of who he cheats with. But I know MANY men who left wives of 18+ years, married a Filipina, she has a baby, moves her to America, and poof… she leaves him for someone better. We call that ‘one upping’ :)

      1. Traveler

        Naw, her leaving him is Karmic payback :)

  10. Traveler

    It is easy to miss, my blog doesn’ have Kuwait or Desert in the title and I don’t get invited to restaurant openings — because I don’t do food reviews. I just talk about whatever I find interesting and post every Sunday. So there are 54 or so entries about Kuwait and my time here. It is fun to write and share what is going on.

    Thank you for the compliment on my novel. I was just trying to point out that there is a lot to do here if you want to use the time.

    I also have a Kuwaiti living with me since last July or so :) — he was rescued him off the streets of Salwa and is good company. Even has a good command of English.

    1. American Girl

      Been reading over a few of your entries. Beautifully written and very entertaining. And I absolutely love the dog. How very sweet of you to take him in. Please tell me you plan to take him when you leave? Animal cruelty, abuse, and neglect is such a huge issue in Kuwait and the idea that little guy has had a loving home and then goes to the shelter is heartbreaking. Please take him! :)

      1. Traveler

        Yup, he will be coming with me. He has a big brother in the US, a GoldenDoodle named MacBeth (pix of him are int he blog too)

        1. American Girl

          That’s wonderful! So glad he has a lifetime home with lots of love. We brought 2 cats home with us. Simple process and the Vet will handle most of the paperwork.

          1. Traveler

            So I hear. Karen Orobey offered to take care of all that for me since I rescued him. I already have a carrier and he is used to it (I was supposed to leave in May but now I am here until the end of the year)

          2. American Girl

            That’s wonderful, so glad you’re taking him with you. And congrats on staying till the end of the year! More time to enjoy the culture.

  11. Traveler

    I will say this. I was surprised when Kuwait was ranked as the fourth most UnFriendly country in the world. I have only met a dozen or so actual Kuwaitis and all of them have been friendly beyond expectations but I understand that level of friendliness is pretty standard for Arab culture.

    This is actually my fifth time in Kuwait but the first time I’ve actually met Kuwaitis and had direct dealings with them. Up until this point, I mostly dealt with subcontinent ex-pats.

    I wish I could meet more, But I think my work schedule is kind of prohibitive for that because my evenings are very short on free time and being off on Sunday doesn’t really facilitate hanging out with them. I consider it my loss. I really wish I’d gotten the guys name who I met at the AWARE center on the evening of their food taste. He was so friendly and well spoken but also did not mind answering questions that might seem a little private. It would’ve been great for me – – but I would not have wanted to overuse his good nature.

    My tour here has also changed my opinion of Indians a great deal. I have made several friends and then welcomed into their homes without reservation. That is very different than what I expected. When I lived in what I called the Indian slum I will say that I never met a more generous group of people who had so little to be generous with. Even though I know I risk insulting them, I tried not to take advantage of their hospitality knowing what impact it was going to have on them in the long run.

    Anyway, enough of that for now. I understand you were married to a Kuwaiti?

  12. Realist

    In reality most European women are repulsed by brown, hairy little men in the arab world. Only the obese ones with low self esteem go for such third world people. Since brown men will fuck anything that is blonde, these heiffers suddenly feel “special” and “wanted” and then feel the urge for revenge after having been rejected by writing blogs like this.

    1. American Girl

      Funny you say European women are repulsed by Arabs. Clearly you’ve never been to Dubai? And those women certainly aren’t obese or suffering with low self esteem. Or perhaps you were implying I’m the obese blond with low self esteem? Seems you’ve never met me either. Rejected? I thought they would sleep with anything?

      I suspect there’s something you really want to say but you’re masking it with a bunch of silliness. Why? Just come right out and say what you’re really thinking.

  13. The Egyptian

    I’m Egyptian man. Let me tell you the truth about all Arab men.
    – Arab men are extremely sexual,all women there can’t sleep with them without marriage, so we turn our dicks to foreigners. He would treat you nicely at first because he find you hot and attractive then you’d see his true face, he’ll just dump you as he has done what he wanted with you .
    – Sadly most of us have no respect for women, women in the gulf (Iraq,Kuwait….etc) can’t go out of their homes or get out of the country without their husbands permission which means you’d be trapped in one of those countries or his house forever and by law (laws there allow that) if he wants to. Women can’t have a driving licence (like in SA). You might even spend a whole month without seeing the day light.
    – Another bad thing is violence against women, it’s severe and common. Most of them won’t let you have a job or have a male friends.

    1. American Girl

      Hi there and thank you for your comment. I admit, I’m questioning whether or not you’re really an Arab man… or someone attempting to make them look bad.

      I totally disagree with the lack of respect for women comment. I’ve found it to be just the opposite… women are held in a very high regard.

      Women in Kuwait, Iraq, etc. are free to leave their homes, drive, travel, etc. without a man or the permission of one. So I’m not sure where you’re getting that information but it’s inaccurate.

      I also disagree that violence against women is ‘common’; or more common than other places in the world. I believe it’s hidden well an not discussed, making it appear more shocking once it’s discussed. Domestic abuse takes place all over the world.

      1. The Egyptian

        I’m not faking anything, My name is Bacem means smily in Arabic.
        I said they cannot go out without their permission and the only places they can go to are malls. You are not aware of what is inside houses. Do you think that we’d come to you and say “Hi I’m a pervert”?.Believe me,if you marry one of us, you’ll be used just for cooking and sex. If you know an American or European woman married to an Arab ask her if he lets her to have a job or post a single photo of her on the internet.
        It’s up to you to take my advice or ignore it, I’m not the one to be harmed.
        We have a law found in most of the Arab world called
        Bait-al-taa or “house of obedience”. If you want to know more about it check this page and this book:
        http://www.studymode.com/essays/House-Of-Obedience-707223.html
        http://books.google.com.eg/books/about/The_House_of_Obedience.html?id=qVoDZf30r00C&redir_esc=y

        1. American Girl

          I am married to an Arab man from Kuwait.
          I am an American woman.
          He cooks as often as me, or we’ll even cook together. He’s actually a great cook.
          I had a job when we met, got a different job right after we were married, and now own 2 businesses of my own as well as work with him at his business.
          My photo is on my Twitter account and Instagram account. I have numerous photos on Facebook.
          I leave the house as often as I want. I drive. I travel. I’ve even gone to different countries for business… alone.

    2. Saam

      I am Arabian ( from Kuwait ) and i can tell u this….

      1-a woman has the right ( vote,driver licenses , work or any other like study and such )

      2-as for the male friends,u r true we do not like it
      ( cause we all r very possessive both females and males ) the idea of the other full fulling any of his/her needs outside is too much for us to bear .

      3- A women Honor revolve around her virtue and if she lost it in some way,she will not be respectable cause honer is respect in our world ( the Arab world ),

      thank u 4 this blog..its sweet ,am Kuwaiti and if i could help in anyway let me know

      1. American Girl

        Hi Saam. Thanks for your comment and kind offer. Feel free to contribute anytime you would like.

  14. Ali

    Yes, they must be because we are from proud heritage and strong men. Mentally and physically.

  15. Fatima

    I agree I am also married to a Kuwaiti and to be honest he is the only one that cooks. We have an equal partnership. He lets me do whatever it is I want of course within reason. I don’t have to ask permission to go out I simply tell him where I’m going for my safety. It’s sad that people stereotype Arab men like this there are a lot of good Arab men.

    1. American Girl

      Your marriage sounds a lot like mine! Though I do cook a little more often than my husband, but he loves to cook and would probably do it every day if I didn’t have something planned.

      There are a lot of good men out there. Sadly most of them aren’t out putting forth effort into meeting women (because they are good men) and the women who really deserve them never have the chance to meet them.

      1. Hamad

        Wow… You really said it so correctly. I have always felt so attracted to American women but thought the sterotyping caused lots of issues to separate us. Anyway, I am really jealous of how you ended up with a good Arab man. I wish that were me.

  16. Bees

    I can relate.

  17. Taimy

    I think it’s a phenomenon of many white people finding people of color (brown, black, olive) attractive and more sexy. Brown/black color is associated with warm climate and oozes “warmness” and sexiness.

    Many western men are also more attracted to Asian and Arab women than they are to White women, and since Arab women are hard to get (due to their culture and society, not necessarily due to their nature), many go for far eastern women who are more liberal.

    And no, these White men are not those who are unwanted by White women, just like not all White women going for non-White men are not the obese kind.

    At the end of it all, I think a woman or a man must go for overall attractiveness and personality/intelligence and not a physical trait like color, etc.

  18. BA

    Well done Taimy.
    You know I feel white girls are more attracted to me when I was back home then living in western country. I am still single even if I am looking to meet someone for marriage not playing around.
    it will happen one day 😉

    1. Bram

      BA,

      Me too I am looking to meet someone, woman that is looking for a real relationship, build a real family. I live here in western country but it is not easy to find you. When I sow your message I said ahh there are women looking for a relationship, It gave me a hope :). Could you tell me where I can find them? Please not bars.

      Thank you BA

  19. naser

    I am an Arab,
    I suspect that most Western women are more interested in money and sex.
    Or because most Western men, live their lives without marriage and have children outside of marriage.
    The Western women want a real man, she wants to be a wife not a whore.
    And most Arab men do not want to marry a woman who was sleeping with other men Without marriage.
    They believe that women who have sex outside of marriage would not be a good wife.
    Arabs have a very different culture, they do not think like a Western

    1. American Girl

      Hi Naser. I don’t agree that western women are only interested in sex and money. If that were the case we would all be hookers and not bother with education and securing lucrative careers. As a matter of fact before I married my husband I knew him only as an average guy with a pretty good job earning a similar income to me. It was only after (the day after) we were married I discovered that his life and financial situation were far better than I could have envisioned. I certainly didn’t love him more because I found out.

      I do agree Arab men won’t often marry a woman who is hopping in h his bed every chance she gets. Nor will he be interested in a woman who has a promiscuous history. I know of an American woman in Kuwait who referred to every boyfriend as her fiance, believed each man would marry her, and finally ended up alone and used. It’s definitely for both sides to know the difference in cultures before getting too emotionally invested.

    2. Sammy

      Naser,
      I have no clue what as to what led you to think like this of western men or women.
      As a Muslim Arab man who was born in Kuwait and currently living in Canada, I can assure you that most western women couldn’t careless about money and wouldn’t start jumping in strangers beds because of lust.
      If what you call

      real men are OK with using women who love them just to have sex with them then leave, then I have some news for you. Those are called Males Not men. Having a male genitalia doesn’t automatically make you a man , being a man involves a process which you have to undertake. First, you have to be true to your word, respect everyone regardless of their differences, expect the best from yourself first then demand it from others. When you start doing that, you will have women from all creeds wanting to be with you.
      Treat people as individuals and understand that none of us is perfect, we do have flaws, I just discovered one my flaws having to type this while at the office :-)

      1. naser

        Real men do not fuck with a woman outside of marriage.
        It is harmful,( illegitimate children, sexual diseases, broken hearts ..).. It’s a bad idea.

  20. J brown

    Hmmmm well I am American married to a Kuwaiti and I can assure you that the majority of marriages don’t workout unless you can tolerate being with psycho men. My western friends ended up divorced and no matter how long they studied in the US or UK they are all the same. The Egyptian guy was spot on. In the beggining they can be the most charming men, then after years of marriage their true colors come out. I was warned many many many times by women, Arab and westerners married to them but thought ” oh mine is different. They are all the same. If you are attractive in anyway, it’s even worse. My hubby studied in the states up until a masters degree and even if they lived in the US, they still are the same. It’s been 10 years of hell. To any Western Woman who thinks their Kuwaiti man is different, don’t fool yourself. RUN RUN RUN RUn. If I didn’t have children I would be long gone!

  21. michromega

    I would like to notice that Western men are not allow to go out with Arab girls. Once I dated a very nice Egyptian girl (rare case) but she told me that her family, albeit not strictly religious, would have created many problems. I consider this situation humiliating for them and for women in general; and western women who go out with such individuals contribute to their own downgrading. This is another element of the clash of civilization.

  22. Mujeebur Rehaman

    Come to chat girls

  23. mohammed

    I meant to send it as an email , but I messed up big time please remove it
    thanks

    1. American Girl

      Hi Mohammed, I didn’t publish your comment per your request and will reply to you in email. However, until then, I will just say don’t become a jerk. Though you think it’s the bad guys who always get the girls, it’s NEVER the bad guys who KEEP the girls. So, if a girl you know is dating a jerk, she’s never going to be happy and will eventually be the one with the broken heart. You stay sweet, kind, and loyal, then you’ll get the good girl.

      1. Hamad

        I really don’t know your name, but I swearI feel so happy to see a real woman like you. I do respect your comments. You do sound like a very smart lady who knows what she wants. I am so sure your husband is a very, very lucky man. I wish I knew your name or knew your husband. I am a middle-aged man who lived most his life in the US working for an oil company there. I got married to a Saudi girl but could not continue. It was an arranged marriage and I felt I was so stupid to allow myself to agree to it. I do regret all the time when I was in tbe US for letting the closest girls to my heart go. I hear and see blogs about Arab guys marrying American women who are so happy and it makes me wonder if I had married an American girl how things would have turned.

        Truthbe told I was discouraged to marry an American lady because of my friends at the time telling me I would regret it and that my American wife would end up leaving me because life here in Saudi is unbearable. Now, looking back, I think I made thr biggest mistake in my life to let those amazing girls go. They loved me and wanted to be with me anywhere I had to go. Unfortunately, that is now water under the bridge.
        It really interests me to be a friend of your family. I would love to get to know your family and possibly visit you all and get to know this amazing family. I am educated, honest, sincere, work and focus on my job. I am fun to be around though. I live to laugh, joke, and also cook.

        I do hopeto hear back from you eventhough I have no clue what your name is.
        Btw- never been to Kuwait before.
        Hamad

        1. American Girl

          Thank you, Hamad, for your kind comments and email. I’m sorry I haven’t had time to reply.

          I’m so sorry to hear of the women you did truly love but didn’t marry. I believe your story is a very common theme in universities across America. I can’t tell you the number of young women who email me about their Saudi boyfriend who they love dearly who broke their heart when he went home to marry a cousin. One even lived with her boyfriend for a few years during university and she woke up in the morning to discover he moved out, changed his phone number, and left university. They were planning to be married. The stories are heartbreaking. So to hear the other side, from the perspective of a Saudi man, is wonderful. And hopefully helpful to others. Thank you.

          As for my marriage and husband, I’m definitely blessed. He’s always followed his own journey even if it want the most culturally acceptable way to be. And, even if no one was fond of the idea, in some ways his family always knew he wouldn’t go along with the arranged marriage. Though they tried. But it always helped that I was very familiar with his culture and already spent a decade in his country before we meet and married. And of course, he had already been to America and was very familiar with my culture as well.

          Thank you again.

  24. Lisa

    Hi,
    I was wondering if I could ask some advice about Arab men. It’s a complicated story but 10 years ago I taught French to a young Emirati man. He was working as an engineer in the city where I lived (I am American). He was a very nice man- so respectful and polite and we had many good conversations about language and culture. He was very proud of his culture and eager to share, and I was intrigued by learning about him and where he came from. Towards the end of our classes, we began to develop feelings for each. I could tell that it was mutual. The problem is we were/are both married. Our classes ended and he flew back to Dubai to visit family. When he got back, I decided not to continue teaching him because I didn’t want it to interfere with my marriage. Several weeks ago, I decided to contact him by facebook to let him know the real reason I had stopped teaching him (mainly my crush). When I asked him how he felt about me, he vehemently denied having any feelings. I know this isn’t true because I had received a friend request with the caption “Ahmed thinks you’re cute” a year after I stopped teaching him. This in itself was very bizarre because it came from perhaps the most respectful person I ever met.
    I wanted to know if it’s unusual for Arab men to deny their feelings like that? I felt very hurt by it, because I thought that what we had shared was special. Perhaps he was embarrassed or ashamed? On the upside, Ahmed told me he respected me and was very “pleased and humbled by my words”. Any thoughts or advice? Thank you!

    1. American Girl

      Hi Lisa,

      I apologize for my delayed response but I just don’t check the blog as often as I once did… or as I often as I should.

      Your situation is quite common; Arab man outside of his country meets kind American woman, feelings develop, etc. However, in your case it’s quite possible you dodged a bullet by not allowing your feelings to be known. Things could have gotten very complicated for you both.

      As for him denying feelings you have to keep in mind what you felt and what he felt may have been a bit different. In your case you saw a kind, funny, attractive, sensitive man who had potential to be something long term. Chances are he only saw a physically attractive woman he could have had ‘fun’ with for a short time. This doesn’t mean he didn’t like you as a person, only that it’s not likely he would have risked a current marriage to have anything long term with you. The friend request stating ‘you’re cute’ was further evidence of that. It didn’t say ‘misses you’ or ‘is thinking of you’ but instead an indication of how he saw you in a physical manner.

      I don’t think it’s that he’s necessarily denying his feelings as much as he’s just trying to be honest without hurting your feelings — or admitting he was viewing you in a sexual way. For him to admit that would be shameful, especially considering it seems like you shared a mature, professional friendship.

      Don’t allow this situation to be hurtful to you and don’t let his denial take away from something that was truly special to you. Cherish the memories exactly the way you remember them. And who knows? I could be totally and completely wrong and he might reach out to you expressing a deep love :)

      1. Leah

        Thank you so much for your response! Just to clarify things, I wasn’t looking for a relationship with Ahmed. I’m happily married but that doesn’t mean I didn’t feel a connection with A. It was something that developed over time and was based on shared interests. Also to clarify, A was not a Casanova. After reading on this blog about other Arab men, I know that he was very different. He never once made a pass at me or flirted with me in any way, not even with his eyes. He seemed to be the “dutiful” Muslim boy : ) which is why I was shocked to receive the “you’re cute” request. I thought then and still do that he was influenced by someone he knew, perhaps one of these “bad” Arab boys, maybe one who was wondering why he wasn’t having any fun over here. Ahmed liked chess and learning foreign languages, we talked about culture and even religion (I am Catholic). He was not a “ladies man”. Oh well, maybe I will never know the full truth : } Thank you for your insight though!

        Lisa

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