The Arab/American Marriage

Many people have asked me what it’s like being an American woman married to an Arab man. Some even ‘warned’ me before making the decision to get married. This post is my little attempt at clearing up some of the misconceptions regarding the Arab/American marriages.

Perhaps I should clarify a bit; my husband is not only an Arab, but he’s a bedoin (desert) Arab. He can comfortably spend his Winter in a desert tent, cooking fresh meat over fahem, and brushing his teeth with a miswak. Yet he does own (and use) a Sonicare toothbrush. While I’m watching the Arab Ramadan shows, he’s fully invested in an episode of Daily Show or Colbert. There’s very little about him that fits into the stereotypical ‘bedoin’ mold. He’s actually more Westernized than many ‘city’ Arabs I know. His English is perfect, he’s been to America and fully understands our mentality, culture, and politics. But he also embraces the more positive things about the bedoin culture, such as how women should be treated.

Unfortunately there are a lot of misconceptions about how bedoin men treat their wives, and until you’re married to one, I suggest you don’t assume. My husband has never asked me to cover my head, my face, hands, or feet. He’s never treated me as anything less than his equal other than when it involves finances. In his culture men have an obligation to truly take care of their wives. He’s responsible for all the bills and monthly obligations while providing me anything I want without hesitation — even if it means he goes without. Having a husband like this has taught me to want very little as it’s far more important to me that he lives a stress free life and never goes without anything. We make all life decisions together… even the small ones. My opinion matters and he always asks what I think or how I feel. I don’t have to ask his ‘permission’ to do anything, nor does he ask mine. But out of respect for one another we ensure the other is always comfortable. If he knew something bothered me or caused me pain, he wouldn’t do it, that simple. In the bedoin culture men are often viewed as superior to women (by outsiders), but it’s not that way. Men are actually responsible for a woman — very different than being superior. Not only are they responsible for us financially, but also our emotional well-being. For a woman to shed a tear and a man be the cause is shameful. Fortunately my husband does fit comfortably into this part of the culture he appears to have left so far behind.

Then there’s me. The typical Southern Belle raised as an only child in America. I was spoiled, wanted for nothing, and had everything. Rarely did my parents say “no”. Mistake. My immediate family consists of 5 people. Large family gatherings happened once a year during family reunion time and even that came to an abrupt halt when my grandparents died. I never had to share anything with anyone — even my space.

Then I married a man whose immediate family consists of 24+ people. People who are very, very close. Family gatherings take place as often as daily since the entire family lives in very close proximity to one another.

Before meeting my husband he was feeling the Arabian pressure of ‘marriage’. Family members were actively seeking out prospective wives to include cousins. Yes, the bedoins often marry cousins. They have very close family ties and rarely marry outside of their tribe. My husband made clear he wasn’t interested in an arranged marriage, but instead wanted to marry someone he chose. Someone he loved. Someone he was compatible with. And someone he could see himself investing a lifetime in. That someone just happened to be me. Certainly I’m not someone his mother would have chosen for him, but she’s never made me feel that way. The entire family embraced me without hesitation. Perhaps they were just relieved he was finally getting married? :) Either way, this spoiled, only child now has a huge family who I love and cherish. They accept I need a fork to eat my meals and they’ve always accommodated me without making me feel awkward. I’m never left out of family events and they even go out of their way to embrace things from my culture. I experience things in Kuwait I doubt many other Americans do… but I wish they did.

I wish I could say my life resembles every Westerner married to an Arab but I know that’s not the case. Every situation is unique and some are better than others. I’ve heard horror stories of cheating, abuse, and outright disrespect. But this takes place in marriages all over the world — it’s not exclusive to the Arab man. I’m just so thankful, every day, that I married a man who is the perfect combination of East and West. Someone who embraces the best of both cultures. And someone who fully understands both worlds.

What I do find very interesting and even a bit odd at times are those who stare. We live in a very tribal area where Americans are almost never seen. When we venture into the city or the malls no one even takes a second look. But we go to the local co-op and people literally stop what they’re doing to stare. Some have even been so bold to ask questions… I respect that more than the stares, and I think my husband appreciates it more as well. My husband is very out-going and friendly to everyone. He treats everyone with dignity and respect, regardless of their nationality or employment ‘status’. He doesn’t judge others and he understands why some people might ‘wonder’ about us. We’ve become quite popular at the local Starbucks… shocker.

Would I recommend every Western woman run out there and marry an Arab man? Well, of course not. I simply encourage people to stand up for what you believe in. Don’t allow others decide who you should be with or how you should live your life. After-all, it’s you who has to walk in those shoes. I can say, with confidence, if you’re in a relationship which is questionable or causes you pain, run… and run fast. Regardless of nationality, ethnicity, backgrounds, or culture.

274 thoughts on “The Arab/American Marriage

  1. Hanaa Basboosa

    May you and yours be blessed with happiness. You are very fortunate to have each other and I wish you success. A true “man” is a rare gem and you are very blessed to have that quality in your husband.

    I wish I had a man as strong as yours. Unfortunately mine fell into the “family cycle” and allowed them to control his life, hence ruining ours.

    Please do not harp on ill wishes or negativity. Continue with your strong and open communication and do what makes you happy.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Thank you so much for your kind words.

      I’m so sorry to hear of your experience. It is rare to find a man in this culture who respects his family as much as my husband does while maintaining the ability to stand up for what he really wants in life. At least you understand your issues weren’t caused by anything you did, but instead something that he didn’t. Though I’m sure your experience was/is painful, I hope you’re healing and moving forward. We all deserve someone who respects us and treats us well.

      Reply
      1. Yusuf

        Wallahi well said. You got a perfect man. Unfortunately, my story is alot like yours but very opposite on the wife side. Im simply a copy paste of your husband and i got engaged last year with arab american. She was educated, lawyer by profession. practise islam atleast in a first glance. So after engagement we started to talk through email and carbon copied to her parents every conversation. We couldnt get along because i said i will take care of her in all matters and i would love her to work as well. I also said we will share all the duties and responsibilities. She wanted everything to be splitted half half. She wanted me to move in her city while im still in my final year of university. I told her its something that can be sorted. She was so imaginary like it should be a hollywood marriage life. I was shocked! When i realized that whenver i send her an email, it would take weeks to reply while she was so active in her hijabi blogs and twitter ( thanks to google) It couldnt work out. I dont mean i was stalking or anything, i had a right to see whats out there that kept her busy. By the way she didnt want to tell me her hijabi blog so i can see whats in her mind. she then argued its for ladies only and impermissable. i was very happy to hear that. guess what! her instagram is public and anyone can have access to her blog . she explicitly show it there. She has some men following her. It didnt make sense to me. I knew everything about the blog before hand, i was just trying to measure her honesty, imaan, and trust. Nonethess, i kept beleiving i can change her.Its in my heart that whenever im loyal to someone, he/she need to respect that and last thing you can do is showing me less appreciation, or rather very far less loyalty towards me. She was commenting on her friends and worse thing , a man! May ALLAH make it easy for her and guider her to the right direction. Im still looking for one, inshallah will find the right girl.
        My email: nahmubz@gmail.com

        Reply
        1. American Girl Post author

          First let me start by saying you can’t change her. And the fact you want to try is an indication she’s really not the woman you’re in love with. Trying to change someone or imposing rules and regulations on them isn’t a sign of love, it’s evidence of a very insecure person who doesn’t love themselves. First and foremost you need to focus on who you are and what you’re really seeking in a wife. It sounds to me like you prefer a wife who has limited, or no social media/blog interaction at all. And that’s perfectly fine. But you have to find a woman who is that way because she chooses to be, not because you want her to be.

          You also say she wanted a ‘Hollywood marriage’ which is an indication she’s maybe a bit immature and not quite ready for marriage. Give her time. She didn’t reply to your emails in a timely manner, or give you the attention you felt you needed as her fiance. All of that is a sign that perhaps she just wasn’t as interested as you had hoped. Again, be patient. But remember, you can’t change her.

          Wishing you all the best in your search for the perfect woman for you. I’m sure she’s out there.

          Reply
          1. Yusuf

            Asalam alaikum. You did not understand what i said. To start with, i would have not comment in your blog if i dont like a muslima to use it. In fact that idea it self contradicts with what i beleive in muslima. I am fascinated with intelligent and open minded girls. Those are the ones i am looking forward to be my future wife inshallah. I would have liked her to tell me i cant read and see her hijabi blog while its really not public and no men has access to it. However, she said because of religious reasons, she cant show me her blog. Its haram i would see her and other girls. But that was a lie! her hijabi blog was public and can be accessed from her instagram which was also public ( anyone can see her even if they are not following her). you get the point here? does it mean i like my wife to have limited staff? No, No !! i need my future wife to master her career but with Purpose to satisfy Allah and i need them to have more imaan and taqwa inside their heart. I dont want her to say or write this while she really not doing that in reality, thats hypocricy! Since i was expecting her to be my wife , I tried to have patience. Thats what i tried! Marriage in islam doesnt require me to be in love in order to marry her. Before that we have seen each other in front of her parents and our eyes contact were amazing. I cant explain that beautiful part. We talked and i liked her. We then exchanged email in order to discuss and know each other more. The email part is the one that screwed up everything and alhamdulillah lesson learned!

          2. Cece

            It’s a sad outcome Yusuf for you both. It sounds like she was a forward thinking woman. I wonder that maybe she truly didn’t realize all her social media actions were fully public. I’m sure you asked her about it so she could explain herself. It would be a tragedy to assume the worst about her. I know I have assumed the worst against people and found out I was totally wrong. I was embarrassed and of course apologized. Ultimately, it’s you who has to feel confident that she was being honest with you; however, it seems you didn’t feel she was honest and you made the decision to end it. I hope you will find that perfect match for you. Best wishes!

    2. hany

      Honesty and sincerity the basis of any relationship and sometimes stronger than love and passion and build a family need to honesty and sincerity is always

      Reply
    3. Tami

      I just want to say that the last few years I have dated a middle eastern man. Unfortunately I do not believe the relationship will go any further than it has for the simple fact he is married. Granted his wife is not here in the states but none the less he is married. And he does plan on bringing her here. Where will that leave me :( I am deeply in love with him. I only wish that I could be with him for all ways but where will I be when she arrives to the US.

      I just want to say that I have found peace with this man. Will I go back to dating other nationalities, that I can not tell you. I love the culture and the care I receive from my love. Have I received it before yes but not like this. I am spoiled to a point. so I would like to say this your heart will love who it will. You have no control over whom your heart picks.

      I would like to say congrats on your marriage and I can only hope that Sir will be with me always as he states

      Reply
      1. American Girl Post author

        I think it’s admirable he was honest about being married and even more admirable that he admitted he would be bringing her to live with him. At this point he’s been fair enough to give you all the information you need to make a decision based on truth. Should you get hurt in the future you only have yourself to blame.

        You will meet someone to treat you just as wonderfully as he has. Perhaps it doesn’t feel like it right now, but in time you will.

        Thank you for your kind words. Wishing you all the best.

        Reply
    4. Marcie

      I have also suffered the same fate. I love Ahmed still but he would not “disrespect” his parents by being with me, a Native American woman. I miss his love dearly…

      Reply
    5. Jackie

      I like this article. I’m an American single mom and I’m currently seeing a man from Jordan. He is very sweet and treats me very well. He makes me feel beautiful and alive, he never judges me and he accepts me for who I am. He isn’t bothered by the fact that I have a child from another man and is actually very good with my son. I’ve had only less than a handful of relationships but none of those people have ever made me feel special like this. He is the only Arab man I have ever dated but he is by far the most amazing and understanding man I have ever met. He opens up feelings inside me that I never knew exists. We’ve been together for only a very short time, but I’m already falling in love with him and I hope that one day we can take that step together and get married. Maybe I will be as lucky as the woman who wrote this article. I could never ask for anything more if I could be that truly blessed.

      Reply
      1. American Girl Post author

        Hi Jackie,

        Thank you for your comment and sharing your experience with the readers and me. It’s always nice to hear other’s stories, good and bad. I like to think that information sharing results in helping at least one person.

        Sounds like you’ve met a really special man and I hope this relationship continues to make you as happy as you are today. Wishing you and your new love all the best.

        Reply
        1. Jackie

          Thank you so much. I’m relieved to know that I’m not the only one experiencing this situation. I wish everyone could be open-minded like we are. People really don’t know what they’re missing. You never know who might be your soul-mate. Sometimes you have to think outside the box to find where your heart belongs. I think if more people realized this, there would be more peace and happiness in this world. I met Mike seemingly by sheer fate, shopping at his corner store. I never thought I’d find love just down the street from my home, but one day I walked into his store to buy something and he told me I “have really pretty eyes.” and it just snowballed from there. He once said that he wanted my heart, and he won it. I don’t want it back. He can keep it. I could never give it to another man after I met such a wonderful person.

          Reply
          1. The Dude

            Hi Jackei,

            It’s really nice reading your lovely story. Our lives become richer when we keep an open mind. Wish you all the best.

            Khalid

  2. musingskwt

    Mashalla u seem very happy in ur marriage, may it always stay that way:)

    There are so many misconceptions about arabs to this day you’d think at this day and age those ideologies would change, but they don’t sadly. No one will really know what true arabs/kuwaities are like until they have lived among them. Even if they hear 1st degree stories its just not the same. Personally I know teachers who stayed in Kuwait one year and couldn’t wait to leave LOL, and I know some who like you have married kuwaities and are completely in love with the culture and with their lives.

    In the end it comes down to who your partner is, like you said, it doesn’t matter their nationality, race or what country you live in. And I don’t think you should explain to anyone if or why you’re happy, I think it just shows on a person, don’t you?:)

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Thank you! Insha’Allah we do remain strong and happy in our marriage.

      Perhaps one of the reasons the ideas about Arabs and the culture doesn’t change is the lack of desire to understand… especially Americans. We’re terribly guilty of thinking our way is the best/only way and anything different is just wrong. I’m thankful my parents didn’t raise me to see life in one direction, with one mindset, or one religion. My parents always taught me people are exactly the same all over the world; sharing the same feelings, thoughts,and insecurities and I was taught never to judge, but instead make an effort to understand.

      I also know people who come to Kuwait and can’t wait to leave. It is so different from the world we come from and it does take a period of adapting. And as much as I love Kuwait, even I struggle here at times. Lately I’m almost exhausted and ready for a break from it all. But it will always be home.

      You’re so right that our happiness shows and no explanations are required. Just as those who are miserable outwardly display that through negativity and judgement of others.

      Thank you for your comment and I love your blog! I see you’ve only recently started but please don’t stop. You are very insightful.

      Reply
      1. Confused...

        Hi American Girl-

        I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months and still haven’t met his family. When I ask him about it he doesn’t really say much. Do you think am just someone he wants for now? Oh I have invited him to numerous family events and some how there is always an exuse. I was told that I could not attend a wedding from one of his relatives because I was not arab and his extended family was going to talk. He appears to care but after this was said I haven’t spoken to him. He tried contacting me about 1 week ago saying that he missed me but I never responded. With this being said you can image how confused I am. Please be honest and tell me what you think. I have had the opportunity to meet his brother, cousin and some friends but I feel that it’s most important to meet his parents. Am I just being used? Please help!

        Confused

        Reply
        1. American Girl Post author

          Hi there and thank you for sharing your story.

          Unfortunately I can’t answer the question of whether or not you’re being used — only your boyfriend knows that. However, how do you feel? Do you feel like you’re being used? If the answer is yes… then the answer is yes.

          I will say meeting brothers, cousins, and friends doesn’t amount to much. Men in this culture know all the dirty little secrets and would never dare tell parents, sisters, wives, etc. However, regardless of what he feels for you, he’s not going to introduce you to the women of the family — especially his mother. Unless he introduces you as a friend or a work associate. He could never dare say he’s ‘dating’ you as it would put you in a negative light, shame his family, and make him look bad in his mother’s eyes. I’m sure there are exceptions, I just can’t say I’ve ever heard of any.

          As for the weddings, they’re segregated as you probably know. Men have a male wedding, women have a female wedding… they don’t intertwine. Therefore, for you to attend a female wedding you would have to at least know a woman in the family who invited you.

          If you really want to know how important you are and how serious he is… send him a message explaining that you can’t see or talk to him anymore until he arranges to introduce you to the family and be prepared to get married.

          I’m so sorry for your confusion, I really wish I could offer something a bit more solid in the way of advice.

          Reply
          1. natt

            I am also confused! However my boyfriend is from Saudi Arabia and is 23. I’ve met all his cousins (males) and guy friends who study here in America. I’m not sure if he is taking me seriously though. One time he was textin with his sister and I told him “tell her I say hi” and he said “No I can’t, if not she tells father and then father will want me to marry” When he said this in my mind I thought “oh an arranged marriage” But then he said “maybe i marry you”. I took this as a joke but then some days later when he thought I was drunk (which i wasn’t) he asked me “would you come with me to my country? but it will be forever and you will have to cover up” The next day he asked me if I remembered anything. Since then he asks me things like “i want your dad’s number”. I also asked him “what will your parents do if they find out about me” And he said “I will marry you”. He talks about things like this but in a playful way just to see how I react I guess. We have 2 months of relationship by the way. So him talking about marriage surprises me. I guess I’m confused since he has started talking about this so early in our relationship! I would like your honest opinion please! :/

          2. American Girl Post author

            Hi Natt, I really appreciate you feeling comfortable enough to share your story with me. Sadly, I only come to one conclusion based on the information you’ve provided and it’s not good. Of course I could be wrong and he could be completely different, but it just doesn’t appear that way. If he’s serious about marrying you then he needs to make that clear to you AND his family. And until he does you would be wise to protect your feelings.

            Wishing you all the best.

        2. Chicklet

          Yeah, I think he is using you. Did you share your “cookies” with him? Don’t put out until you have met his parents and a ring is on your finger. If you have already put out, then you have most likely ruined any chances of having a solid future with this man.

          If he is keeping you secret from his folks and not making his commitment to you a known and public thing (with the approval of his parents), then why should you bother with him?

          Hope you do what is right by you.

          Reply
      2. hany

        It varies with the Egyptians, and especially Christians because most Christians family and family something very important and assets of Christianity in Egypt is the oldest origins historic so find Egyptian Christian family life always sound because does not have a divorce because the book says that a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and be one body

        Reply
      3. Tayser

        Hi my name is Tayser I am an Arab American first generation born and raised in the USA. I can answer almost any questions for someone that has questions or confused dating an Arab Male. I have been with an American girl for about 8 years now and she has not really met my family threw me once yet. She had met my mom before because she was real good friend with my cousins in high school growing up, she would take her to dinners and little baby showers and stuff with her. She is the only girl that I have ever been with. She found out everything like my parents wouldn’t except her because she is not from the same Country, Religion, and culture just about the same time i did. I was young (15 years old, as was she when we met) we found out she would never be accepted in my family when I was about 19. By then we were attached pretty bad to each other. Tell this day not much has really changed still in Love with her more than ever. It really hurts to know that but for some reason she can not let go, I can not let go either

        Reply
        1. Marcie

          Tayser, what becomes of you if you go against your families deep rooted culture & you tell them about your love for this girl? Why is this so unacceptable? Thank you, Marcie

          Reply
      4. that one girl

        Please email me on this if you can. I just married a Saudi guy and he’s wanting me to come visit his family back home with him. He’s given me no reason to be worried about the travel but i am worried because i am a white American. What should i do?

        Reply
        1. American Girl Post author

          There are a number of blogs written by American women who are married to Saudi men and living in Saudi Arabia. There’s absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Check out some of their blogs (listed on the right side of my blog) and read about their fascinating, unique adventures. Enjoy your trip!

          Reply
          1. The Dude

            Hey American Girl, was wondering if you can help me out with your honest opinion. Okay, so I’m a Kuwaiti dude who’s lived in the U.S. pretty much my entire adult life. I’m an Arab American (a bit more on the American side! Tattoos and all) and I’m looking to get married. Now, I’m freaking out because I think no American chick would want to live in a culture such as Kuwait’s, at the same time, no Kuwaiti chick would probably want to live in the U.S. and raise a family! I’m really torn! I do want to live in Kuwait for, god knows, how many years, but ultimately I want a partner who can help me raise a family based on Islam and American values and way of life (and yes, these two things are not contradicting! Don’t even get me started. )

            You’re thoughts are greatly appreciated.

            The Dude

          2. American Girl Post author

            Hi, Dude!

            Sounds like you’re really embracing the best of both cultures, that’s fabulous. When it comes to marriage it seems you might be better off marrying an American Muslim. Kuwait is really an easy country to adapt to, and if she’s Muslim then it won’t be such a shock for her to live there. She might even welcome the more Islamic lifestyle. If you marry a Kuwaiti, chances are she would be expected to stay in Kuwait to be near her family. And she would probably prefer that too. But if you plan to live in Kuwait then it wouldn’t be a problem.

            Ultimately I think you’ll marry whomever your heart desires. As it should be.

            Hope it all works out. Would love to know what you eventually decide.

  3. Randy

    oh we still get stares at the mall etc … but that might be due to the fact that I’m ghastly white and 6 ft tall while my wife is nothing short of caramel in color and just at 5ft tall :)

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      That’s because you’ve got the most beautiful wife and precious little girls, masha’Allah! But, I think it’s much more rare to see a Western man married to a local woman. I’m sure you both have some very interesting stories to tell and I would love to hear them all. I hope you continue to have such a happy, secure marriage together.

      Reply
  4. S African Girl

    Hello American Girl – thank you so much for putting yourself out there and sharing. I “met” an Arab man on the internet and am experiecning the prejudice from friends and family. I’ve not even had a chance to meet him face to face yet, but am so excited to. He’s caring and gentle and puts me first, he worries about my family that he’s never met, calls me just to say “hello, I miss you” – things i’ve never experienced here in the “West”. Without even meeting him i can say that i am prepared to relocate to live under his love and love and spoil in as many ways as he does for me. It will be a big adjustment, on both parts, but i am willing to make certain changes to bask in the rewards that I do believe will be oh so worth it. Thank you for the encouragement.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi there, and thank you for your comment!

      I’m so happy for you and your new found love. Though many relationships should be ‘test driven’ so to speak, online relationships even a bit more. I’m not saying give up on him, but definitely spend some time in person before making plans to relocate. Do some research on his country, the culture, and find out how invested he is. I’m hoping it all works out for the best :) And no matter what, don’t allow anyone to make you question your decision. Life comes without of questions without others make it feel more difficult.

      Reply
  5. jill

    I am america indian irish germen & french. im a relationship with an arabic man , words can’t even tell you how amazing he makes me feel. he has never once tryed to convert me to islamic or asked me to cover up. im so in love with this man .I love it .he still has his culture, as i do mine.we have that respect and understanding.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Sounds like you are truly happy. I hope things work out and you live a long life together always bringing so much joy. Wishing you all the best.

      Reply
        1. American Girl Post author

          If you’re both happy and feel that’s the right decision, then I think it’s what you should do. Have you met his family? How do they feel about it? Family is most important in this culture so please make sure he’s willing to make you part of that.

          Reply
  6. Ali

    Walla nice story
    I’d do anything to have the same :)
    I tried so hard 2 find an american girl who would accept a “syrian” in her life and … still searching
    سلام

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Ali, I think it’s important to be with someone you love more than someone from a particular nationality. Hoping you find true happiness.

      Reply
    2. HALAL GAL

      IT SHOULD NOT MATTER WHETHER YOU ARE FROM THE MOON YOU NEED TO FIND A GIRL WHO WILL RESPECT YOU AND YOUR CULTURE AS WELL AS YOU RESPECT HERS WE ARE ALL HUMAN COME FROM ALLAH RETURN TO ALLAH

      Reply
  7. mohamad

    Hello greeting of Islam ..I honest man Amin nice affectionate cream like the good of all I wish to marry a girl dishonest good heart upscale does not matter where you live, I willing to stay wherever you want, no matter her age., But matter of mind and heart.. I am a man Arab Muslimpossessed compassion, safety and a broad mind and great
    I holiest married life and respect Alemraep and Raúaha
    I’m from a prominent Muslim family kept him for the book of God, a convert to Islam
    This is my information peace of God be upon you
    e-mail: h-e-55@hotmail.com
    skype: my_nenga
    Phon:00970598326850

    Reply
      1. American Girl Post author

        Hi Lamiae, I am not a matchmaker (though I’m starting to think I should be). However, I’ve posted your comment in case anyone reads it and is interested in contacting you. I wish you all the best in your search for marriage.

        Reply
  8. Tarig T.

    Hi American girl,

    I came across your blog & I really enjoy reading your articles..
    I wish you all the best in your marriage & would like to ask you some questions – If its okay with you :
    1) I admire your knowledge about the Islamic/Arabic culture & was wondering if your Muslim or not (I just want to know).

    2) I was raised in the US & was wondering if you can introduce me to any American women like yourself, who knows the background of our culture (I know you don’t know anything about me but believe me I am a good & well-educated Arabian person & ready for any questions from your side if required).

    Wish you well & thanks for taking the time to read my message :)
    Tarig T.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Tarig,

      Thank you for your kind comment.

      To answer your questions, yes, I am Muslim and was long before I met my husband. As for introducing you to someone, there are a lot of wonderful American women living in Kuwait who would love to meet a nice man. I think it’s a matter of putting yourself out there and trying to meet them in a respectful manner. Of course it’s always a good thing to be introduced through mutual friends, but considering I don’t know you at all, it would be difficult for me to introduce you. I’m sure you’re a wonderful man and I certainly hope you find exactly what you’re looking for in life.

      Wishing you all the best.

      Reply
  9. Khaled

    Hi American Girl,

    I think you reach the Haven ^_^

    There is a good guys every where but i think Arab men is the best
    loyal and fear gods so they treat there women as a jewelery.

    wish you all the best,
    Regards,

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Khaled, thank you for your comment. I believe every man has the potential to be a good husband, but marrying an Arab has definitely made me a very happy woman.

      Reply
      1. HALAL GAL

        I AGREE I’M MARRYING AN ARAB MAN WHO HAPPENS TO BE YOUNGER THAN ME SO WHAT HE HAS ALL I NEED WE ARE MIRROR IMAGED AND HE IS THE BEST GIFT FROM ALLAH BESIDES MY CHILDREN(WAS MARRIED BEFORE WHEN I WAS CHRISTIAN, HE DIED), THE PASSION AND DEPTH OF LOVE I FEEL FOR HIM SURPASSES ANY LOVE I HAVE KNOWN I LITERALLY CAN’T BE WITHOUT HIM AND HE FEELS THE SAME. BTW IM A MIXED BLACK AMERICAN MUSLIM, HE’S FROM A COMPLETELY ARABIC MUSLIM CULTURE, ALSO I AM WHAT HE WAS SEARCHING FOR HE S MY PREFERENCE AND I’M HIS

        Reply
        1. American Girl Post author

          Sounds like you’ve found a wonderful man to share your life with. So happy for you both!

          Reply
          1. halal gal

            shurkan American Girl, but we see it as a gift from Allah, as he has dominion over all and hopefully, we will have a blessing from our union we pray for this, so very much may Allah continue blessing your union, life and worship jazakAllah Khair barakthu

  10. monica

    hi american girl
    i have been in a relationship for almost 6 months with an arab and i am christian. His sister is getting married and tho he invited me to the wedding, i will be sitting with his friends instead of with him and i do not like that. i know that his religion is very strict but i cant help but feel out of place and because of this reason i feel like it is not working out. family is #1 for me and for my family to know about him but his not to know about me it bothers me. i have met his brothers and boy cousins tho. other than this issue, everything is perfect. he treats me well and always puts me first. please help.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Monica,

      I really wish there was some advice I could give that would solve all your problems and eliminate your fears. Unfortunately, that’s just not life :(

      The fact that you’re going to the same wedding as your boyfriend and not being segregated by gender isn’t something I’m familiar with in the Arab culture. So it’s difficult for me to say why he might have you sitting with friends as opposed to family. Male friends? Female friends? Is he taking you as his ‘date’?

      I would assume because his family (parents) doesn’t know about you then it might be disrespectful to seat you in the family area? Perhaps his family would ask why a ‘girlfriend’ is sitting there even if they did know about you. Though some Arab cultures are accepting of people dating, most are not. And it would almost be shameful to tell his family (especially his mother and sisters) that he has a girlfriend. Have you asked him directly? Maybe you should tell him you just don’t understand and allow him to explain. His answer might really put your mind at ease.

      Wishing you all the best.

      Reply
      1. monica

        well i asked him today
        i am not his ‘date’ and they are male friends. he explained to me that it would be disrespectful, especially in his sisters wedding, to take me as a date. but i mean, if i did the same to him he would feel awful right? he told me how each family is going to sit in a table and then there are other tables for other guests. he also told me that if i wanted i could take a friend with me. what would you do? did you have to go thru this with your husband when you were just dating? when did you meet his parents?were you fine with that or did it bother you?

        i really appreciate your responses btw!

        Reply
        1. American Girl Post author

          Hi Monica,

          You say that if you did the same to him how would he feel? Well, you wouldn’t do the same to him. Not because you’re a better person or he loves you less than you love him. But because there’s a difference in the cultures. And this is just the beginning. This is a time for you to decide are these obstacles too big for you to deal with?

          As for me, my husband’s culture has segregated weddings. Men and women do not share wedding halls at the same time. So when I attended weddings, it was never with my husband. And if he attended one for a friend and I didn’t know the women, I stayed home since I wouldn’t be attending the women’s wedding. Quite different from my culture but nothing that offended me. Also, my husband and I didn’t ‘date’ per se. We met, we spent time together in the daytime, in public, and I met his family the same week. After that we continued to spend time together in public places or at the family home where he was often in the dewaniya with the men and I would spend time with his mother and sisters — he would pop in every hour or so to make sure all was going well. We were married a few weeks later.

          Reply
    2. hany

      I am a Christian Egyptian, unfortunately, marriage Christian girl of young Muslims have for some purposes and not for marriage, as well as a Muslim marry up to four wives allowed him to do so and there are other things, so be careful because sometimes marry the girl and then let the girl for jihad marriage any be every day for a man you can search the net for (Jihad marriage) (marriage of marriage) in Islam

      Reply
      1. HALAL GAL

        JUST BECAUSE POLENGY IS ALLOWED THE WOMAN DOESN’T HAVE TO EXCEPT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT 2% OF MUSLIM MEN WHO CAN AFFORD SUCH MARRIAGES DON’T TALK ABOUT THINGS INCOMPLETELY PLEASE GIVING WRONG IMPRESSION

        Reply
  11. EM

    I love this post! You have no idea. I’m currently in a relationship with an Arabic, Muslim. I’m so sick of seeing girls post “Arabic men want to be with an Arabic women, all you white Americans are trashy.” I believe that if you are in love with someone, then you fight for that, no mater what the problems are. It shouldn’t matter the race, everyone is equal and if an Arabic man wants to marry out of his race to be with the women he really loves, then it shouldn’t mater. I love who I’m with and I’ll sacrifice anything when it comes to marriage.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      I agree it’s important for people to be with someone they choose and someone they love. But some cultures believe marriage is for procreation and not necessarily love. You don’t mention where your boyfriend is from, if you live in America (and he does too)… would love to know.

      Ignore those who have negative things to say. No matter what you do, who you’re with, or any decision you make… someone is always going to hate. Leave that nonsense and drama behind you.

      Reply
    2. hany

      I am a Christian Egyptian, unfortunately, marriage Christian girl of young Muslims have for some purposes and not for marriage, as well as a Muslim marry up to four wives allowed him to do so and there are other things, so be careful because sometimes marry the girl and then let the girl for jihad marriage any be every day for a man you can search the net for (Jihad marriage) (marriage of marriage) in Islam

      Reply
  12. EM

    I was reading the post above me, about his family not knowing you guys date. I have the same problem. I sucks at times because I would love to know his family. It has been two years and it has been great. His parents have kinda made gestures and said ” do you have a girl friend” of course he lies, because we know when the time is right, then we will tell them. Like I said, if you love that person so much, you will fight for them through thick and thin. No mater the culture or religion, that shouldn’t mater. It’s all about love in the end.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Sounds to me like you’re really in love with this guy and I certainly wish you both all the best. However, the fact you’ve never met his family after 2 years is alarming. I’m not implying he’s never going to marry you or doesn’t really love you. But I can honestly say I do not know one single woman who has been in that situation and it ended on good terms.

      Where is he from? How did you meet him? Where are you spending time with him?

      Important factors.

      Reply
  13. Deeply inlove w/ an Emirati

    Hey there American Girl,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us :) Im also American/Christian (Oregonian) and my habibi is Emirati, we have been together for two years and if feels good to know that I’m not the only one who has felt this passionate for an Arab man. My Emirati and I have never actually met in person (It’s a bummer even though we video chat via Skype about 8 to 12 hours a day. . . . . dont tell my boss :$ ) but we are getting close to the point in our relationship to actually meet face to face(he wants me to go to Abu Dhabi, and I agreed because I have never been anywhere close to leaving the US before and I want to see other parts of the world before I die :) ). I have to admit I’m a little nervious but he is as caring and thoughtful as your husband and thats what made him stand out from all of my other Arab guy friends (we were, and still are, best friends before starting and all thoughout our relationship). I’ve never felt so happy and free in all my life, I can really be myself with him and him with me (he’s a little bit of a dork, but he’s my dork :) :) ) I have never met a man who laughs as freely as he does.
    I really hope that we get a chance to meet in person and that we are as happy together as you and your husband obviously are, Insha’Allah.
    May God keep you and your family
    Sincerly,
    Cassandra Sanchez

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Cassandra,

      I really hope things work out for you once you and your boyfriend do meet. I also hope you have been doing some research about the culture, the lifestyle, and the people before you arrive. It’s important you have as much information as possible before entering any relationship, but especially one on the other side of the world involving a different culture. Ask how his mother feels about you/the relationship. Ask to speak to his mother. Or at least ensure you’re going to meet her once you visit. Meeting male relatives doesn’t count. Ask to speak to his sisters, and to meet them as well. Depending on how he reacts to those requests can dictate a lot about where this is going.

      Wishing you all the best and please keep me updated as to how things progress.

      Reply
    2. hany

      Your comment is awaiting moderation.

      I am a Christian Egyptian, unfortunately, marriage Christian girl of young Muslims have for some purposes and not for marriage, as well as a Muslim marry up to four wives allowed him to do so and there are other things, so be careful because sometimes marry the girl and then let the girl for jihad marriage any be every day for a man you can search the net for (Jihad marriage) (marriage of marriage) in Islam

      Reply
  14. Louise

    Dear American girl,

    Thank you for writing your blog, your view is refreshing and your information is helpful.

    I am a 27 year old European girl and 8 months ago I met a 35 year old Lebanese man. It was love at first sight and we have since spent our time skyping and visiting each other. I have met his cousins, and friends (male and female) and I know for a fact that his mother and sisters know about me.

    As he lives in Abu Dhabi and because of work cannot move, we decided I would relocate to see if there is a further match. However it has been difficult for me to find a job and thus take that chance. He is a free spirited liberal non practicing muslim. I do not follow any specific religion and am of a very liberal background. Though he follows his own path, he does feel pressure to get married and have children, as a 35 year old single is rare in his culture. He recently indicated that we should go our separate ways, as he feels the cultural difference is larger then he thought.

    I know he always has my best interest at heart. Being the thinker that he is, he worries about the future: will I be able to find a job in his country, would I mind moving from Abu Dhabi to Beirut, would I be able to learn Arabic, will these changes not bee too much for me, is he not affecting my life too much etc. My response would be that I am smart and independent and together we can take on any challenge. We both experience a very special connection, but I feel that he takes the rational approach and does not follow his heart.

    He now wants us to not talk for a month or two, and go separate ways. It is killing me and I wonder; should love be enough for us to match, or should two people match and then love can follow?

    From where I can from love is the basis and most important. I wonder what your view is on this.

    Wishing you love and happiness,
    Louise

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Louise, and thank you for your comment.

      I’m a little confused about whether or not you actually did relocate to Abu Dhabi or if you’re still living apart. That certainly plays a role in his decision making. I’m also unsure of your education/work experience, but finding work in Abu Dhabi should be very easy for you. Again, I’m not sure if you’re currently in the UAE or chose not to relocate.

      As for learning Arabic in the UAE or should you ever move to Beirut, there’s really no need. Unless he has family members who don’t speak English, then maybe out of respect you would want to learn a little Arabic. But otherwise there’s really no reason. Even for work purposes.

      I will say if you’re still living apart and continuing your relationship online… give him a break if that’s what he needs. I understand it’s painful and can be very difficult, but if you don’t allow him some space to look at things from a realistic perspective, you’re setting yourself up for even more hurt.

      Be patient, remind him you really care, continue to look for work in Abu Dhabi,and focus on yourself for a bit. If it’s meant to be then it will be.

      Reply
    2. hany

      Your comment is awaiting moderation.

      I am a Christian Egyptian, unfortunately, marriage Christian girl of young Muslims have for some purposes and not for marriage, as well as a Muslim marry up to four wives allowed him to do so and there are other things, so be careful because sometimes marry the girl and then let the girl for jihad marriage any be every day for a man you can search the net for (Jihad marriage) (marriage of marriage) in Islam

      Reply
  15. Nessa

    Good Morning,

    I just came across your post. I am having a bit of insomnia and as I have done from time to time I try to search for information about Arab/American relationships my search has mostly been in vain. I’ve seen the myriads of interracial youtube videos but didn’t find one featuring an Arabian and an American. I, like you, have received the blank stares before the warning monologues when I tell people my love is Arabian. It’s always bad news stories of control and neglect and outright abuse. Then they look at me with pity in their eyes like I’m going to regret my decision. You see my story is kind of a double whammy maybe even a triple whammy. He is Arab, Palestinian specifically, and Muslim, never married. I am American, non religious but my father is Jewish, divorced with one child. He is eight years my junior & we have “been in a relationship” for almost five years now and the relationship has been entirely long distance. We still haven’t met face to face outside of Skype yet. His father is beside himself with disappointment at his sons lasting interest in me. The father has gone as far as trying to ridicule him by saying that the only woman he can get is an old used woman when he refused to accept the arrangement his father tried to make for him with his cousin. His father worked hard to send him to private school and to a university. Considering what other Palestinians are facing right now, this is quite a feat. He is a practicing lawyer with his own business, he is his parents only child, and the sole provider for his parents and two of his cousins. If he leaves them to be with me it would be devastating for them. I am also approaching an age where it might not be safe to have more children. I “broke up” with him last October because I love him so much, and despite how crazy I am about him, I believed it was the right thing to do. I know this all sounds crazy from beginning to end but it is what it is. We ended up getting back together in December after I called him crying out of my heart. I had not expected that we were going to get back into this with that call but… unbeknownst to me he was at a party with another girl he had been dating since shortly after I called it off. He took my call right in front of her. As soon as he heard my voice and that I had been crying he dropped everything to give me his full attention. He told me he couldn’t imagine not answering If I called, ever. He was so good to me even after I broke his heart into thousands of pieces. He didn’t get off the phone with me until I felt like I was going to be better and told me that he was my guy. If I ever needed anything ever that I should never feel like I am alone or I have no one to turn to. I hung up and within 30 minutes I had lost my mind. If I could have run to him I would have run as hard and fast as I could. I tried so hard not to call him back but failed miserably. My heart was beating so hard and I was shaking and calling and calling and texting like crazy. I told him I wanted to be with him if he would have me. I texted for thirty minutes or so just pouring my heart out but he didn’t answer, he had turned the internet off on his phone. I started to calm down and put my head back together. I told him again that I was just going crazy and to disregard my messages, that I was glad he didn’t answer and that I would be fine. I decided I needed to get out, I have friends that live a 4 hour drive from me and I needed the drive to clear my head. In the early hours of the next morning he started to call me but my internet was off on my phone so I didn’t get them right away. Long story short we talked for a bit and then I made the 4 hour drive back to my city so we could talk privately. I couldn’t live another day without him in my life. We talked, we argued, we talked, we cried, we talked some more. At one point we fell asleep with Skype open. The next day I questioned what I was doing. I freaked out. We were getting back together and none of the circumstances that we had before had changed. All I know is that every time I see his face I feel that bolt of joy, I feel relaxed and at peace when we talk, add in all of the other bonuses like the fact that he is extremely intelligent, and his forgiveness and patience toward me seem to be unending, that we can talk for 12 hours at a time and never feel bored or that 12 hours have passed at all. Going on 5 years of never even having a hand shake and we still don’t get enough. When we broke up I didn’t know where to go. I dated, I tried so hard to move on as quickly as possible to make getting back together impossible, because I felt like I was stealing his life. He was ready to give up everything with no assurance of security. Leave his family, leave his business, leave everything he had ever known to come to an unknown place with no job and a degree that he can’t use here. If I love him how can I allow him to do that?? I compared all of my dates to him, I was bored, I was lonelier than ever. I don’t want anyone but him, he stole my heart too. We had made plans to meet in March (yes, he has a visa) but he had to take a job opportunity since he is also taking responsibility for his family. Our next plan is to meet in September of this year. We have so many polarizing dynamics here that it almost seems impossible to make it work. I never felt so loved, so cared about, so romanced and so at peace. We haven’t even met in person, or sat next to each other, or eaten at the same table or anything in almost 5 years and yet here we still are waiting and dreaming and holding onto hope, that has to count for something. He told me he would rather work at a gas station and be with me than be a lawyer and live without me. He told me that if he is with me or without me he is leaving his country, that it doesn’t hold his future, and so he will be leaving his family and his job anyway, so I shouldn’t feel responsible. He even said he is happy to adopt children if I get too old to have anymore. He accepts my past, forgives all of my blunders, and is still absolutely besotted. Maybe someday I will have a Jewish father and an Arab Muslim husband! I just hate that no one is happy for us and constantly trying to warn both of us that Arab men and American women just don’t work. I keep looking for success stories to balance the horror stories. Sorry I wrote a short novel. I just feel so blessed to love this man and be loved by him but I’m a little stressed about how this is all going to work out. Any encouragement or positive stories are needed and welcomed.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Nessa, thank you so much for sharing your story. I find your situation to be so interesting and I’ll do my best to share my experience and offer my opinion.

      As many obstacles as your relationship seems to have, I would say the biggest one would be the Jewish father and your love for a Muslim man. Especially Palestinian. I’m sure you’re fully aware of the conflicts taking place in that region and the distaste they have for one another. However, you’re obviously at an age where you can make your own decisions and so is he. I would suggest, if you haven’t already, to start learning as much as you can about Islam on your own.

      I can say, from personal experience, marrying an Arab man doesn’t result in a lifetime of abuse or neglect. My husband is the same man today he was when I met him a few years ago… maybe even better. Like you, my husband and I met on the internet accidentally through a mutual friend (I lived in Abu Dhabi, he in Kuwait where I had lived for years before). We talked on the phone for hours the first day but also agreed we would meet within 10 days or not even bother. Being a 45 minute flight away it made our situation much easier. Before meeting he did tell his family about me and expressed if all worked out between us, I was the one he wanted to marry. Though it wasn’t their idea of how their son’s life should play out, they were open to the idea. We met 8 days later, I met his family the following week, we were married 3 months later with blessings from both his family and mine. So even when it appears as though the situation might not be ideal to everyone around, they eventually accept it.

      Because of the geographical distance in your relationship, obviously hopping on a flight isn’t the most feasible thing to do. But it’s definitely something you need to do, and soon. Whether it be you going to him, or him going to you, it should happen. If he has a visit visa to the US, encourage him to come visit. He can’t legally move here on a visit visa, nor can he legally work, but at least you can meet and make a more realistic decision about what direction you want to go. Should he decide to move here the process can take YEARS while he continues to wait in Palestine and you in America.

      It sounds like you two really do love one another and want to be together. Unfortunately you’re going to have people telling you it’s a bad decision. Fortunately they really have no clue. As you know, abusive controlling men can come from any background and any religion. But the stereotype regarding the Arab male is terribly misconstrued. Yes, Arab men are far more protective than Western men. This comes from their cultural background. Women in most Arab cultures remain a virgin until marriage. They spend their life going to school (generally segregated), making female friends, spending weekends with family or sometimes female friends, and following in their mother’s footsteps… almost as if they’re being groomed to be a good wife. If they go out with friends their brother or father will often drive them (even if she knows how to drive and owns a car). Not because they don’t trust the girl, but because they don’t trust the men around them. For instance, in Kuwait, a girl driving a car alone will often be followed and sometimes even almost run off the road by a car full of young men. So where most people see it as controlling, it’s really just the ultimate level of caring. Furthermore, these women are not forced into this lifestyle unwillingly. This is their culture, their comfort, and a very admirable way to live. I admit, I’ve gotten quite spoiled knowing I really don’t have to worry myself about ANYTHING. Car needs gas? Tell hubby. Oil change? Tell hubby. Need groceries? Tell hubby. Want to go shopping? Tell hubby. So next time your friends express fear of you being locked in the house by some controlling nutjob, just explain you WANT to be spoiled. (disclaimer: every family is different and not all Arab homes raise their children the same)

      Right now I think it’s important you really focus on physically meeting. Even the strongest of relationships can’t sustain long distance forever. Also, should you make the decision to be together, you’re going to have a ton of paperwork and government agencies to get through before that can even happen. So it’s best to start now. As much as you both feel you’re in love, you have to bring a sense of reality to the situation otherwise it’s always going to be a fantasy living in your mind. Research immigration, have that conversation with him, know that ‘working at a gas station just to be with you’ is probably not a realistic statement, and there’s always a chance both of you could lose your family members because of your decisions. Not likely though.

      I hope I’ve been able to provide some insight and positive words of encouragement. Wishing you all the best and hope you keep me posted on your situation. Please feel free to email me anytime at americangirlinkuwait@gmail.com.

      Reply
    2. hany

      I am a Christian Egyptian, unfortunately, marriage Christian girl of young Muslims have for some purposes and not for marriage, as well as a Muslim marry up to four wives allowed him to do so and there are other things, so be careful because sometimes marry the girl and then let the girl for jihad marriage any be every day for a man you can search the net for (Jihad marriage) (marriage of marriage) in Islam

      Reply
  16. Nessa

    Dear American Girl,

    Thanks for your prompt reply, I have been meaning to write with more information by email but I’ve been stuck with the vagaries of life and will get to it soon.

    Nessa

    Reply
  17. LiLo

    I would really like to meet and marry an Arab man – I am looking to be a part of a large family who interacts often and everyone is involved in each others lives. But unfortunately it is hard to meet Arabs and it is even harder to meet them the right way that is acceptable for marriage. I feel Arabs never marry girls they date in a Western sense of a relationship.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Lilo, I’m curious as to your reasons for wanting to marry an Arab man. I know a lot of Western women are attracted to them after meeting and getting to know them, but you don’t indicate to be involved with one.

      Sadly, the cultural differences generally appear in the first meeting… if the Arab man is still living within his culture. The American way of ‘dating’ is completely different than most Arab cultures. American males and females attend school together, work closely together and intertwine on every level of life. Dating is very casual and often intimate. Dating numerous people before marriage or even living together is often encouraged in America. Obviously many Arab cultures are of a completely different mindset. However, the culture within the Arab community changes from country to country… and even city to city in some cases. But intimacy and living together are rarely an acceptable practice among Arabs. Without at least a basic understanding of this, then when the two cultures come together there’s often a lot of confusion. A Western woman will wonder why an Arab man doesn’t want to marry her after she’s spent weeks, months, or even years being great ‘wifey’ material. And an Arab man is going to wonder how this woman who shared a bed with him BEFORE marriage would ever think she was wifey material at all.

      I’m not sure where you live or how you’ve sought out Arab men in the past (if you have). I wish had answers… or could clone my husband. I believe every woman deserves someone as wonderful as him. I could probably tell you where or how to MEET an Arab man. But only true love and a DEEP understanding of each other’s cultures could result in marriage.

      Reply
        1. American Girl Post author

          I’m sorry Omar, I don’t add strangers to my Facebook. Wishing you all the best and hope you find what you’re looking for.

          Reply
      1. American Girl Post author

        Hi Kotaiba,

        Thank you for your comment and I certainly wish you all the best. I know the situation in Syria isn’t very good right now. But please understand American women all that I know anyway) marry people they fall in love with after meeting and spending a great deal of time with. Also, marrying an American woman really won’t change the situation you deal with in Syria. Hoping everything works out for you.

        Reply
  18. Susie

    Dear American Girl,
    I really enjoyed reading your blog, I’m currently dating an Arab guy and he is such a gentlemen. So reading your blog made me excited about dating an Arab just because I hear all these stereotypes and reading your blog clarified a lot of things. This is also my first real relationship. I hope to hear from you soon or keep on contact with you because I would love to tell you how we met and about him some more

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Susie,

      I’m so glad you were able to get some insight from my blog. Every situation is different but sometimes it’s just nice to know what others are experiencing. I would love to know more about your relationship should you choose to share. Where is he from? Are you living in his country? If so, what took you there. How long have you been together?

      Thank you for your comment.

      Reply
      1. Susie

        Hi there! :) Thank you for replying to my comment. He is from Kuwait and he is studying Mechanical Engineering and Technology at my university. His dad is from Saudi Arabia and his mom is from Kuwait. He grew up and was born in Kuwait. We’ve only been together for 1.5 months. Right now his parents are visiting, so I haven’t really got to spend time with him. At first he wanted to tell his parents about us but then he told me we should wait, which I understand considering that we’ve only been together for almost 2 months. I had admired him since September 2012, when I first started University and I always too scared to talk to him. In March, I anonymously wrote how I had a crush on him on a facebook confession page for my university and after it was published, I kept commenting on it and his friend told him it was pretty obvious that I was the one that wrote it. In April, I left a note on his car telling him how I thought he was attractive, and how I always wanted to talk to him but I was too scared to. Then I left my number on it and told him how we should hang out. That same day I heard back from him and took me on a date the following day.

        Reply
  19. arabic Prince

    Hello everyone (Assalamu alaikum)
    I am Arabic man , I live in the US , I was looking for marriage American girl online and I got here to this nice website. Thank you all for the nice words you said about us (Arabs) and I ask Allah to make your life happy and faithful.
    Thanks

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Thank you very much for your kind words. I’m glad you stumbled onto my blog but sorry it wasn’t what you’re looking for. I do wish you all the best in your search.

      Reply
  20. Kathleen

    That was a lovely read..Thank you for that. One hears so many horrible and negative stories..it gets tiresome. I too married an Arab man-one of the best most joyful wonderful things that I have ever done. We celebrate our 20th anniversary in Oct. :)

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Thank you so much and congratulations on your upcoming wedding anniversary! I too get tired of the negative stories and sadly they’re told by people who aren’t even in a marriage (or relationship) with an Arab.

      My husband keeps saying he’s going to ‘co-write’ certain topics with me, but neither of us have had much time to invest lately. Hopefully soon… I think it will be a lot of fun.

      Reply
  21. abdalla

    hay there…
    I am arabian man and i want tell you something important..
    Not all arabian men are the same..
    Most of the times men from gulf country like saudi . qatar.yemen oman.Uae and bahrane are not having good education
    Most of them just came from desert but not all of them. so those who stay in the desert treat women in bad ways .. but i read what american girl said about her husband.. this man is not like the badoo.. he is good man coz he does not do like badoo..
    If one of you travel to there tents you will crt when you meet a women there and ask her: did you see your men or knew about him anything before getting married ? she will say NO!!!. you ask her why??!! she will say if iopen my mouth to say no my family will kill me mybe…… THESE SAY THAT THEY ARE MUSLIMS… BUT THE TRUTH IS THEY ARE NOT MUSLIMS COZ ISLAM DOSE NOT ALLOW THEM TO DO THIS WITH WOMEN..
    Islam say the girl must see the man if she say OK then ok if she say NO then its her choise.. The other arab men like Palestine..egypt..syria..jordon..And libya allmost do as muslims and treat woman good…
    i wish lovly life for all peaple.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Thank you for your input, Abdallah. I agree my husband, though bedu (badoo) is very different than most others. However, no two people are ever alike.

      Reply
  22. Arabic prince

    I want you guys to be careful when you start looking for wife in America , I got this email below, which is fake, from someone in a social networking app , they know that we are not looking for sex out of marriage so they build up a large fake networks only to steal money and hurt us. American girl is like any woman in this world , she is not an object. She wants true love to love and to be loved the same way.
    ………………………………………………………………………………………………………
    I will tell you abit about me…my name is shkura ibrahim ,i am the
    only daughter of my parents…i moved to the states when i was 4 years
    of age..my dad is from usa and my mom is from Russian..my dad and mom
    got to meet each other in Liberia and i was born there as well..but i
    moved to the states with my moms aunt when i was 4 years of age..my
    dad and mom had some disagreement..very early of there relationship to
    they both had to brake off..so my mom had to go back to Spain and she
    took me along to Spain too..but i only spent 4 months with mom
    there..she wasn’t able to cope with me there.so she had to throw me
    down to her aunts place in New York city ..thats were i grew up..and
    schooled and went toll college there too..and since i have been with
    my moms aunt..i never did heard from dad or mom again..i was just
    abandoned there and i grew up to really do love my aunt cause she was
    such a lovely aunt to me..but she left me so early..she died when i
    was 17 years of age..so since then.. i have just had a life on my
    own..doing what i know how to do best in honesty and living my life to
    the fullest..and i grew up to understand the principles of life and
    the truth that follows it and i have made a vow to my self and God
    that i will forever remain honest and truthful to the things i say and
    do..cause truth and honesty is the only key to success..but its every
    hard to go about..but i still try not to brake my vow..and i do seek
    all i want with all my heart and the truth of it..

    Right now i am on a programme in Africa..But Nigeria precisely..this
    is my first time traveling to blacks country and i don’t really know
    much about this environment but i am so adaptive so i get used to
    allot of things so easily and i get to understand how things are been
    done in the environment too as well.i am into Fashion designer..Africa
    clothing and textile design..thats wat i am into..i have just started
    my career on it and its really my dream and i seek a man who will
    support my dream…i just got to Africa like 4 weeks ago and on
    planing to get back to the states soon..to complete my dream and
    career..it has really been a dream come true for me to become a real
    fashion designer and i have committed all my time and all i have into
    this career and i hope it leads to a very great future of mine.

    Well,i am a very sincere and honest person,am
    caring,kind,social,smart,intelligent,passionate,friendly,romantic,and
    i believe in the truth and honest of love..i am really a very sincere
    person when it comes to sharing feelings and emotions with that
    special person and i really am down to heart honest about the things i
    say and do cause i don’t like hurting peoples feelings,cause everyone
    has a chance to laugh,so why do i make them sad..i am really very easy
    to get along with,fun to be with and am very adaptive and
    communicative when it comes to conversant conversation.and my life is
    based on the truth and honest of self personality…i would really
    like to get to know allot about you and learn somethings with you
    cause u seems to be kind of ready in getting to know my kind of person
    and hopeful we can meet in person soon..with time we will get to know
    each others feelings,motives and intensions towards each other and it
    will help us grow knowing each other and trusting each other..Well i
    will await your next reply and i will try and email you back asap.

    i will tell you more about me and my personality..
    hope to read from you soon as i expected

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi there. Please know that the email you’ve posted did NOT come from an American woman. It was sent to you by a professional con artist living in Nigeria. This is a very common scam and a way to get money from trusting strangers. Do NOT reply to this person and certainly don’t send them any money.

      Reply
      1. Arabic Prince

        Hello sister , yes I realized this. I hope they are not dangerous because they could hurt people by doing this business. I am not gonna reply to them Inshaallah.

        Reply
        1. Stuckinsandpit

          Hi there, just be careful of those emails. They are dangerous and stay clear of them. I suggest you go read up on romance scams. Never give anyone any money. And yes sadly they exist in muslim sites as well.

          Reply
  23. Bloodofthesahara

    The face that etched the walls of my love, colours the lines of the Arab world with his lineage. Yes, I loved, very much an Arab man, who was also Berber too. My beautiful Arab stood up for my honour and loved my stretch marks. I loved not only his strong sculpted veins, but the strength of his beauty that held his soul. It was his soul that touched mine as fatherhood lines the length of his fingers. I loved and loved him so, but, he was not to be mine as I moved on my journey and became an author. I love him still. The claws of my decision weighs within my heart.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Sounds like you were really in love. I hope you were able to express this to him at that time, as well as you’ve expressed it here. Wishing you all the best.

      Reply
  24. Bassem

    My name is Bassem of Egypt, I want to marry an American girl I am 20 years old and this is my email (beso.me40@yahoo.com)

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Well, Bassem, this certainly isn’t a dating site, but I’ve gladly published your comment in case anyone is interested in contacting you. Wishing you all the best. But what would make you want to marry an American woman? I would like to think meeting someone and falling in love would be the reason for most marriages.

      Reply
  25. Mousad Altahri

    HI AMERICAN GIRL
    WOW I ENJOYED READING ABOUT YOU AND THE ARAB GUY YOU MET AND MARRIED THATS SO SWEET STORY.
    IM MOUSAD ALTAHRI BORN IN YEMEN AND MIGRATED TO USA WHEN I WAS 3YEARS OLD AND I HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE UNTIL I WENT TO YEMEN WITH MY FAMILY IN JANUARY 2010 AND THEN GOT MARRIED ON FEBUARY 18,2010 AND THIS HOW IT WENT
    WELL I WAS MARRIED TO A GIRL FROM YEMEN AND THAT WAS MY FAMILYS IDEA AND I LIKED IT WE STAY TOGETHER FOR ABOUT 11MONTHS AND THE WHOLE TIME OUR RELATIONSHIP DIDNT GO SO GOOD BECAUSE TO BE HONEST IM AMERICANIZED AND SHE’S NOT SO I COULDNT TAKE IT ANYMORE SO I GOT DIVORCED THE END OF OUR FIRST YEAR ALHUMDILLAH I FELT LIKE I WAS HOLDING SOMTHING ON BACK THE WHOLE WHILE.
    SO KNOW IF THERS ANY AMERICAN GIRLS OR ARAB GIRLS IN USA THATS INTERESTED IN MEETING AND GETTING MARRIED THAT WILL BE GREAT MY EMAIL IS HERE FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME ANYTIME
    BLUESKY885@HOTMAIL.COM
    AND THANKS AND I WISH U AND YOUR HUSBAND A GOOD LUCK WITH YALL MARRIAGE.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      I’m really sorry to hear your marriage didn’t work. Maybe you and your family will move back to the USA one day and you will have the opportunity to meet someone you have more in common with.

      Wishing you all the best.

      Reply
  26. Kristin

    I just read your post and had a few questions. I know you said they accept that you eat with a fork during meals and don’t make you cover your head/face. Was this your first time dating someone from the middle east? Cultural differences, was his family upset at all that he married outside of his culture? Could you tell me more about when you met his family and the first time being exposed to that culture verses the western culture.. I’m just curious because I am dating an arabic man and he asks me to come to Saudi Arabia with him all the time, but I am extremely nervous to meet his family/ and try their style of living.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Kristen, thank you for your comment and I’ll do my best to answer your questions.

      Dating: I have lived in the Middle East for a number of years before meeting my husband. However, ‘dating’ is frowned upon, especially for a woman. So I would suggest, under no circumstances, do you discuss your previous boyfriends with your current boyfriend. And if you ever do meet his family, let them believe he’s the only man you’ve ever known in your entire life. Not that you have to lie, but not something you want to strike up a casual conversation about either.

      Covering: Though I am Muslim I don’t wear hijab. All the women in my husband’s family do, and sometimes they even wear niqab (facial covering). My husband was aware when we first met that I had made the decision not to wear hijab and therefore he never requested it. I met his family (brothers included) without being covered and have never felt the need to cover my head in their presence. The other sister’s in law do cover their heads when the brothers are present. So you can see how this would make me stand out as the odd one, yet no one has ever shown any sign of discomfort at my choices. They’ve been wonderfully accepting.

      Marriage: From the time my husband was a teenager I think his family almost expected him to marry a Westerner. It seems he relates more to my culture than he does to his own. But, by the time he surpassed the average marrying age, his family did start pushing the issue more. Not in a demanding way, but an encouraging way. Not too long after that he walked in the door with me. They had prepared a huge lunch and I ate in the room with the women (obviously) while my husband went into the room for lunch with the men. Though I was very familiar with the culture I was still nervous. However, they made me feel as though I was one of the family from the first time we met.

      I wish I could give you good sound advice, but it’s just really not possible. Every situation is different. Every family is different. And to be honest, I don’t know even ONE other family who would have been as accepting as my husband’s. I know I am truly blessed to be part of the great love they all share for one another and I’m thankful for them every day. I certainly hope things turn out as wonderfully for you as well.

      Before you do make a decision to go visit him in KSA, please do some research. Know about travel restrictions for a woman, visa types, requirements for covering, or being in public with a man who isn’t your blood relative. Try to speak to his family before you make the trip. It’s possible they know nothing about you and he has no intentions of making an introduction. KSA is very different and the laws are rarely in favor of the woman. So just take a number of precautions before making a decision.

      Reply
  27. April Yassin

    You have a beautiful story…. I too recently traveled to Amman Jordan and married my Palestinian husband. We have been together two years. And you are correct…marrying into an Arab family there are a lot of misconceptions. And it is not for everyone. My question is….could you email me I would like to find out how tostart the process of geyting my husband here to the United States.

    Thank you :)

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi April and congratulations on your recent marriage! Surely you must be so excited and ready to start your lives together in America.

      I’ve removed your email address from the comment to prevent unwanted emails, but I do have it, so I’ll drop you a line later today. Or, you can email me at americangirlinkuwait@gmail.com. I’ll do my best to reply as quickly as possible.

      I can tell you that the process you’ll face and the route my husband and I took will probably differ greatly, but I’ll still do my best to help. First you’ll need to start looking into doing an application for an immigrant visa for a spouse. Don’t hire an Attorney, the paperwork is very simple and doesn’t require legal knowledge to fill it out. Also, you’ll need to start gathering all important documents (marriage certificate; translated and attested, birth certificates, proof of your income, proof of his income, and original passports). Make sure you have ever single document required otherwise your package will be incomplete and not processed. Also, you’ll need to accept that this process could literally take years. Or not. Be patient and I’ll do my best to help.

      Reply
  28. Stuckinsandpit

    Hi American girl, its really refreshing to come across your blog site. You are indeed lucky to have such a wonderful marriage :) Masha Allah. No two peas in a pod are the same so to speak. I myself is getting to know an American Arab who is currently working in Saudi. Living and working in the gulf states for the past 6 years, I never thought I will finally meet an Arab with such a good mixed of eastern and western values who respects me as a woman and is such an Amazing guy. I am working in Qatar he in another…. We met on a muslim site. Two culture meeting. It was a culture & religious shock for me to come here to work lol having come from very efficient city like Singapore. I thought hey muslim country should be easy to find a good muslim guy… But no it was not. I admit I was not least bit impressed by the Arabs men or men here in general! Must be they breathe in too much sand. Then he found me… And there is no turning back. It’s so refreshing… It’s like Allah is telling me, look here there is nice guys still out there…

    Once again thanks for sharing your story… I am looking forward to getting to know my amazing guy with Allah blessings… Pray for us. God bless.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi there and thank you for your kind words. Hope you’re adapting well and wishing you all the best in your relationship!

      Reply
  29. Ladyofthelake

    Hello American Girl,

    I am looking for some advice. First off, I should let you know some of my background information: I am an American girl myself, currently living on the west coast where I have an amazing career. I was raised Christian, but am not religious/not practicing.

    A couple of months ago, I went on a trip for work to Europe. On this trip, I randomly met a charming Arabic (Iraqi, to be exact) man. He has been living there in Europe for almost a decade. Many of his brothers and cousins live nearby and he is very close with them. I met a handful of them when we all had dinner together one evening. However, there are still many of his relatives, including his mother, who live back in Iraq.

    We spent quite a bit of time together when I was in Europe, and I cannot lie, a certain level of intimacy was involved. Of course, I had to return to the US, but he and I have been in touch every day since that time.

    A few weeks in, he mentioned to me that on the weekly call he has with his mother that he told her about me. Being a westerner, I was of course surprised, but do know there are some very obvious cultural differences. I asked him what she said. He told me that she supported whatever decision he makes, and that if it is right with me, that she will stand behind him. I was amazed by this response…maybe he was just saying that to me to be nice haha!

    I will be back in Europe in a couple of weeks, and he is actually making arrangements to fly into the same city and spend time with me while I am there.

    Things continue to go well, but this past week we hit a little bump in the road (at least from my perspective). When we were talking he told me that he wanted to be honest and tell me something that had happened earlier in the day. Essentially what had happened is that his mother had found a woman in the city where he lives for him to marry. He told me that it is usual for them, but told me that although the woman was attractive all he could think about was me, and how he immediately declined the idea of marriage with this woman. Worth noting is that there is likely a lot of pressure on him to marry, as he is 31 (and so am I, but less pressure comes from my family, to be sure).

    My question is – is it normal for his family to continue to try to find him a wife, even though he has indicated his interest in someone else? Should I assume that his family has no idea he is flying to meet me for a week in another country, maybe? I’m feeling a little naive, so I think I am just looking for some opinions. This relationship is only two months in the making, so I guess I am just trying to figure out if this whole scenario seems impossible. I really care for him deeply, despite knowing him such a short amount of time.

    Interested in hearing your thoughts, and thanks for taking the time to read this.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Thank you for sharing your story. Very interesting indeed.

      The fact that he’s lived in the UK for so long is probably an indication he’s left a bit of his culture behind. This doesn’t mean his mom won’t continue to look for him a wife. Especially if he mentions someone he’s interested in. She might feel this is an indication he’s ready to be married and feels it’s her place to find the right woman. Not that he will follow her suggestion and it’s possible he’s already had this conversation with her… repeatedly. Ask him, I suspect he’ll tell you.

      Reply
      1. Ladyofthelake

        Thanks for the quick reply. I took your suggestion today and I did ask him. He said that his family does know that he is coming to visit with me. He was honest and said that some did not think it was a good thing, but others were happy that he has found someone that he has such a great connection with. He actually told me that the reason some of his family don’t feel that it is necessarily a good thing isn’t because of me, and it’s not my fault, but rather they are upset with him because he has become more and more liberal, and has moved away from being devoutly religious due to how long he has lived in Europe, amongst other reasons. I asked him if he thought he was ever going to want to move back to his homeland in Iraq, and he has said that he doesn’t see himself ever moving back permanently, and if anything he will simply go back for occasional family visits as he does now. We are going to talk more about things on our trip, but my mind is at ease for the time being. Our hearts and our heads are in the right place, so we will just have to see what happens. Thanks so much for the kind ear and advice.

        Reply
        1. American Girl Post author

          You’re most welcome. I’m really curious as to how this is going to end up! I always love a good romantic love story :)

          As for him probably not moving back to his homeland… most don’t. I’ve found through a lot of my Arab American friends that going back isn’t something they’re interested in doing. Some want to visit, but not live forever. The Western culture has a way of growing on people and they develop a great love for our lifestyle.

          It’s normal for the family to become upset when they stray from the culture. But depending on how strong willed he is, he won’t pay attention to them, though he’ll always respect them. If they have a great deal of influence over him then it’s possible he will marry a woman of his mother’s choice. Doubt it though.

          Reply
          1. Ladyofthelake

            I will let you know how things turn out after my trip. I can’t lie, the whole wife situation makes me feel really insecure, but I understand it’s part of the culture. I simply asked that he be honest with me about the situation. I don’t want him just telling me what I want to hear. We will see what happens!

          2. American Girl Post author

            Wishing you all the best! I hope it all works out exactly like you both want.

    2. Arabic Prince

      I wish you all the best sister , I hope you will get used to his culture because it is very different . Anyway if you love each other then you will have your private heaven at home. I like it when people become very honest and open when it comes to relationships. God blessings

      Reply
      1. American Girl Post author

        Thank you. I’ve lived in the region for quite some time and we’ve been married a couple of years now. So I’m pretty comfortable with the culture, though there’s always something new to learn. I embrace the differences just as he does… fortunately.

        Reply
  30. Maeve

    well you got lucky.. not every girl who marries an arab gets treated like you do. You are perfect for each other :D

    Reply
  31. Globe trotter

    Hello! I’ve so enjoyed reading your blog and can identify in various ways. I’ve dated Arab men, mostly in America, so there was always an understanding on their part of my culture. However, after moving and living in Kuwait for two years, just before I moved (have been gone one month) I met a Kuwaiti man and we began spending time together. It was very nice and we had many conversations about Kuwaiti culture, etc. He seemed like a real straight-shooter and not at all the cliche casanova stuff that I’ve dealt with many times from all cultures. Since I left Kuwait we decided to try to continue the relationship, though I realize I’m encountering issues that I’m thinking may be in large part due to his lack of travel to USA. He has been it seems everywhere except America! The biggest obstacle right now is his frustration over my Facebook account. I’ve never had a man question me so much on the men on my friends list and he simply doesn’t understand the American way of having male/female non sexual relationships. I try to explain many times and he seems to be ok for a few days but inevitably it comes up again: “Why do you need any other men if you have me?” hmmmmmm So I ask you, how have you dealt with this? Is your husband familiar with American ways or might he help shed some light on this issue and how, if possible, I can approach this. Another issue is that my boyfriend although quite wealthy says that when we begin traveling to see each other, he expects that I pay for my own flights and that he will get hotels, food etc. He says that nowadays it is normal for Kuwaiti women to share expenses if they are not married (secret relationships I guess). He says that it shows I care if I am willing to pay my own flights. Again, this is somebody who apparently has disposable income. He spends hours with me on chat and hasn’t seen me for 5 weeks now so I hate to think that he’d just be “using me for what he wants” as I see implied often when discussing Arab men with western women. When I was in Kuwait, he would pick me up daily and take me walking openly in public and sometimes even hold my hand. I don’t know, I think I just need some perspective and something tells me you and your husband might offer me some insight. He seems in many ways like a truly genuine person interested in marriage, but I just don’t want to get “snowed” a as they say. Thank you!

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi GT! Thank you for your comment and I’ll certainly do my best to help in any way I can.

      From what I gather you and he have been together about a month? But I also assume you’ve been intimate? Not judging, just trying to get a better understanding of what might be triggering some of his actions.

      As for going in public, holding hands, etc. that’s not too rare as long as you’re not in an area where he might see his mom :) Since you’re not his wife, and I’ll assume you didn’t meet his family in that short time, then the public displays of affection could be more a ‘trophy’ thing. Or, he could just be a really hands on guy. I wouldn’t read too much into that either way. I would consider the fact you’ve not met his mom… or other family members (another assumption on my part).

      Male friends; a very difficult concept for some to grasp. I do have male friends, mostly through business or growing up with them since elementary school. My husband is fully aware and has met those I consider ‘good friends’ and he’s perfectly fine with it. However, I would NEVER consider going out alone with any of those male friends and I don’t even call them on the phone without casually mentioning it to my husband first. Not that he requested any of that, but I respect him and I’m smart enough to know what lines not to cross. Arab men often feel it’s their duty to care for the women in their family (mother, wife, sisters, etc). They don’t always feel this same obligation to a girlfriend (though I’m sure some do), but they certainly don’t want any other men in her life who could take their place. Emotionally or physically.

      He wants you to pay for the airline tickets? Not really sure what that means, but it would make me feel as though he didn’t really want to see me THAT badly, otherwise he would arrange for you to be there… especially since you say he has disposable income. But be cautious of that as well. Some are very good at appearing wealthy or at least financially comfortable when they’re really burdened with numerous loans. Why not suggest he visit you in America? Or even a place in Europe and you can both pay for your own airline tickets. I just feel offering to pay for your meals when you arrive to Kuwait is a pretty cheap way out.

      My husband is a bit more blunt than me and doesn’t sugar coat things. He said, “There’s rarely such thing as a girlfriend they plan to marry. It’s just a woman they’ll have sex with until they meet another one, she leaves him, or it’s time to get married to the ‘right’ one. If he’s really interested in something serious with her he’ll pursue that now by talking to his family about it and arranging for her to meet them at his expense. He won’t be trying to get her into a bed as hard as he’s trying to get her to meet his mother.”

      Hope we helped out a little :) Please keep us posted as we would love to hear what happens. Also, feel free to email should you want to discuss it privately.

      Reply
    2. American Girl Post author

      Oh, one more thing; hide your Facebook friends list from him and tell him you deleted all the male friends. When he says he can’t see your friends anymore, play stupid, act confused, and just say, “Oh, maybe when I deleted them it changed my settings. I don’t understand what happened.” Also block him from being able to see your friend’s comments on your page. I don’t necessarily condone being dishonest and sneaky, but until he proves he’s more serious about the relationship don’t bother with deleting friends and cutting people out of your life. No one, even if he is serious, is worth all that drama. You may also want to mention that ‘other’ mobile phone he has that you might not be aware of… just to see his reaction.

      Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Jassim, my name isn’t Holly and I did get your email. I understand you’re looking for an American woman and I can respect your desire to do so. However, sending numerous emails to random women you don’t know and badgering them to contact you might not be the way to go about it.

      I wish you all the best in meeting someone who shares mutual interests with you.

      Reply
      1. jassim albulushi

        no u got me wrong i know ur not holly i got message in my email from holly she saw my message on here on this website when i saw her message late so i sent her message bk but she didnt reply thats why i asked u to help me contact with her i sent u her email

        Reply
  32. Kristin

    Hi American Girl, I enjoyed reading this and the comments. I actually came online and did a search on “the arab mother and the american girlfriend” just to see if maybe that is why I haven’t met my boyfriends parents yet. I met my boyfriend through my employer and we were friends for about 6 months and then started dating and we are on 10 months now of dating so we’ve known each other for weel over a year. He’s met my mom’s side of the family at a wedding we went to. His entire family knows about me and that I am his girlfriend however I have not met them yet. I was getting a little concerned that maybe he didn’t want me to meet them because he wasn’t sure about me or something. Of course it never even crossed my mind because we are so good together until one of my friends brought it up. Then I started worrying about it but I’m glad to hear that maybe this is more of a cultural thing and I can put it out of my mind.

    Kristin

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Kristin, it really could just be a cultural thing. But, in any relationship… if something doesn’t feel right then it’s not right. If you’re not comfortable with not meeting his family, then express that to him and reevaluate your situation. Though you believe they know about you there’s really no evidence of that. And who knows what he’s telling his family?

      Reply
  33. Tia

    Hi American girl. I am an american girl as well, I’m from USA, Alabama. I will be turning 17 in a few days. And I met this man on facebook who means absolutely everything to me. He’s 21 and lives in Marrakech, Morocco. We became friends instantly and talked for hours! Then we talked everyday. Then later we became best friends. All the way later, he told me he had feelings for me. I was so stupid to not see it. I liked him a lot too, but I never expected such an amazing guy like him would like me at all. We have both agreed that we want to be together forever. It sounds so crazy and quick but I want to be his and only his. He already wants a baby girl so badly:)I trust him with all of my heart like I always did in the beginning. I’m finishing high school this year. And that’s like the first step toward me and him meeting. Do you have any tips or anything? I really want to know what you think about our relationship. Thank you so much if you reply to this I will be so grateful.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Tia! Thanks so much for sharing your story.

      You seem like such a bright young woman so surely I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know… but be super cautious when it comes to people you meet from the internet. I’m sure you have complete trust in this man and it all feels very exciting right now, but it’s also important to keep in mind you’ve never met him in person. You’ve never spent any real time with him. And you really only knows what he tells you.

      Most importantly I think you should confide in your mother (or another trusted adult) about this relationship and get some feedback from them as well. You should also Google ‘Katherine Lester’ and/or read these articles written about her story back in 2006 (http://content.usatoday.com/community/tags/topic.aspx?req=tag&tag=Katherine%20Lester). She was about your age, met a man online who lived in Palestine, flew there to be with him (without her family’s knowledge), and soon found herself in a very unfortunate, unexpected situation.

      When the time comes for you and this man to meet, please arrange to do so in America. And preferably in a place where you’re safe, maybe with a group of friends or better yet, family. It wouldn’t be wise for you to leave America to go visit him in his country. The laws vary all over the world and are not always in your favor. It’s very important for you to protect yourself at all times. And if he loves you as much as it seems he does, he will certainly understand.

      Finally, being in love is a wonderful feeling and it’s fabulous you’re experiencing something that brings you such happiness. Love is supposed to be a positive and bring out the best in each other. It shouldn’t be a secret or ever make you uncomfortable. Explain to your boyfriend how important it is that you (and him) tell people about this relationship, ask him to Skype with your mom or dad and ask if you can do the same, and tell him how he should probably be the one to visit you in America when the time comes. For now, focus on your education and your future. If he’s meant to be a part of that then he will be.

      Wishing you all the best. Please keep me posted about this developing relationship and feel free to email me at americangirlinkuwait@gmail.com should you need anything at all.

      Reply
      1. laila

        i really know moroccan culture and moroccan men search papers (green card) so if it’s by internet forget him trust me.

        Reply
        1. American Girl Post author

          I don’t think it’s fair to judge an entire country of people based on the experience with one.

          Reply
  34. Kendra Cee

    I was SO happy to read this post. I am engaged to a Kuwaiti Bedouin and we have agreed to live in Kuwait. I can’t even begin to tell you the stupid, racially insensitive questions people ask me. Or the hateful messages I get in my inbox telling me how to raise my kids and how my husband should, by American standards, treat me. If only they knew how good he really treats me ;)

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Mabrook! That’s fabulous news and so great that you’re happy. I notice that you’re currently in America which leaves me quite curious about your relationship. Are you home on vacation? Do you live in Kuwait? Not that it’s important, just curious.

      While in Kuwait my husband and I would get the random stare or odd question but primarily because we lived in a very tribal area. While in the city rarely did anyone even notice us. Oddly enough, the rude comments and hateful questions seem to come from our distance family members more than strangers. His extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) have never met me, yet have decided they’re not fond of me. Clearly they feel he should have married within the tribe. My extended family (who I truly haven’t even seen or talked to in 20 years) ask my other family members if my husband is abusive, treats me like property, and what have I done to ‘legally protect’ myself from him. We’ve mastered the art of ignoring the ignorant.

      Wishing you all the best!!

      Reply
  35. hicham

    iam an moroccan citizen man,i would like to get married with an american woman cause iam interested and i want to make family and we live in happiness and love and peace.

    Reply
  36. IloveUAE

    MashaAllah! I loved this article. Finally something positive. I’m an American-born Hispanic. My best friends are Middle-Eastern and they are the most amazing group of people I’ve ever met. Currently, I’m seeing a Persian guy. He is very respectful, sweet, genuine and caring. He cares about me so much and always motivates me and brings happiness into my life when I feel sad or lose myself. I see him as a potential future husband. He’s perfect in every sense and even if it doesn’t work out with him, I would prefer to marry a Middle-Eastern man rather than American. This relationship has been the best I’ve ever been with and in the past I’ve dated only Americans. I don’t see why there’s so much judgment and hatred toward the Middle-Eastern culture. Oh wait, it’s because of media and news. People are too quick to judge someone who is different than they are and has different views. People need to learn to be more open-minded and accepting. Only then will the world start becoming a better place.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      So glad you found the post to be positive — it was certainly written with positive feelings :) I’m glad it didn’t offend anyway. And, because this seems to be a topic of great interest to people, I think I’ll do a follow up ’1 year later’ post. Can’t believe it’s been almost a year since I wrote this one.

      I agree with you regarding the relationship with a Middle Eastern man. I hope things work out for you and you continue to live your life with such happiness.

      Reply
  37. Angelina

    American girl I enjoyed your story. Thanks for sharing. I’m in love with an Algerian man but it doesn’t seem possible for us to see each other anytime soon. I feel so sad and helpless with this situation. Looking for support from someone who understands.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Angelina, why isn’t it possible for you to see one another? What options have you tried? Would love to hear more about your situation.

      Reply
    2. khalil

      Dear American girl
      thanks for sharing your story’s with us . dear Angelina i m single man and looking for american girl for Serious relationship and Marriage.please contact me on my personal E-mail moh1980@outlook.com .
      i hop one day i will find my girl in america .
      regards
      khalil

      Reply
  38. Susie

    Hi there! :)
    I’m the one who left you a comment about dating the guy from Kuwait. Well we’re not together anymore because he cheated on me and got back with his ex girlfriend. I am dating this other guy from Saudi Arabia though. We met at my university.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Susie, so sorry to hear about your former boyfriend’s actions. But, keep in mind, ‘dating’ is frowned upon and in the mind of some men is an indication a woman doesn’t respect herself. So, again, in his mind, why should he respect you?

      Fortunately, you seem to have recovered well and moved on… as you should. So happy for you and wishing you all the best!

      Reply
  39. Al Hashmi

    السلام عليكم. كيف حالك اليوم؟ ما شاء الله! هو كل ما يمكنني قوله بعد قراءة ملفك الشخصي عن نفسك. أنا تبحث عن زوج مسلم ملتزم لابنتي. ابنتي، ليس فقط تمتلك صفات مسلمة ممارسة، ولكن حتى أكثر من ذلك. الحمد لله. أسرتنا يأتي من خلفية دينية صارمة للغاية، الذين ينتمون إلى سيد الطائفة / قبيلة من الإسلام، كما كنت قد تكون على علم انها المفضل أو المشتركة أن يتزوجوا من داخل نفس القبيلة ولكن ليس هناك قانون يحظر على الزواج خارج القبيلة. نحن لا تمانع الزواج من ابنتنا في عائلة التي ليست من السعودية أو دول مجلس التعاون الخليجي، ولكن السعودية هي تفضيلنا الأول، والثاني يجري أي دولة من دول الخليج. في حالة ابنتي لسوء الحظ، ليس لدينا أي أصدقاء العائلة أو الأقارب الذين هم في سن مماثلة أو غير متزوج وولم نتسلم أي مقترحات اعتبارا من بعد من ممارسة الأسر مسلم، وبالتالي فإننا تضطر إلى اللجوء إلى وسائل أخرى لإيجاد مناسبة زوج ابنتنا الحبيبة. نحن المقيمين حاليا في المدينة المنورة المدينة المباركة من النبي (عليه الصلاة والسلام)، وسوف يكون هناك حتى 2013/07/08، وبعد ذلك سوف نذهب لأداء العمرة إن شاء الله. ربما نحن يمكن أن يجتمع مع تلك الأسر الذين يعتزمون الزواج أبنائهم في (عليه السلام) المسجد النبوي، إن شاء الله. لقد استمتعت بقراءة ملفك الشخصي وسأكون ممتنا جوال المستقبل المراسلات منك، والمساعدة الخاصة بك مع هذه المسألة أعلاه. وإنني أتطلع إلى تلقي ردكم والإجابة على الأسئلة الخاصة بك. شكرا جزيلا. رعاية. أماه السلام.

    Reply
    1. Yasser Alagi

      وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاتة

      انا اسمي ياسر شاب عمري 26 سنة اعمل في شركة مدير علاقات تجارية انا جاد في البحث عن زوجة ذات دين والتزام وخلق و ارجو التواصل معي علي ايميلي وشكرا

      Reply
  40. Al Hashmi

    Assalamualaikum. How are you today? Mashallah! Is all I can say after reading your profile about yourself .I am searching for a practicing Muslim husband for my daughter. My daughter , not only possess the qualities of a practicing muslimah, but even more. Alhamdulillah .Our family comes from a very strict religious background,belonging to the Syed Caste/tribe of Islam,as you may already be aware it’s preferred or common to marry within the same tribe but there is no law prohibiting to marry outside the tribe. We don’t mind marrying our daughter into a family which is not from Saudia Arabia or GCC Countries,but Saudia Arabia is our first Preference,and second being any GCC Country. In my daughter’s case unfortunately,we do not have any family friends or relatives who are of similar age or not married and nor have we received any proposals as of yet from Practicing Muslim families,therefore we have to resort to other means to find a suitable husband for our beloved daughter. We are currently residing in Al-Madinah the blessed city of the Prophet (PBUH) and will be there until the 07/08/2013,after which we will go to perform Umrah Inshallah. Perhaps we can meet with those families who intend to marry their sons at the Prophet’s (PBUH) Mosque,Inshallah .I have enjoyed reading your profile and I would appreciate recieving correspondence from you and your assistance with the above matter. I look forward to receiving your response and answering your questions. Many Thanks. Take care. Ma-Salam.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Thank you for your comment and the extensive information. Though I have introduced friends in the past which have resulted in successful relationships, I really wouldn’t feel even remotely qualified to seek out anyone for your daughter. However, I would suggest you try networking among local friends at weddings and other gatherings. Or contact a Khataaba who could be of far more assistance than I ever could.

      I do wish you all the best as I’m familiar with the importance of marriage for a daughter. Inshallah she ends up with a great husband and a life filled with happiness.

      Reply
      1. Al Hashmi

        JazakAllahkhair and Thank you very much.I have tried all your suggestions,but unfortunately,no luck as of yet.More Suggestions Please.I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your response and am an avid fan of your blog. Please do Keep up the Good work.Is it possible for us to converse in private,Please.I would appreciate receiving correspondence from you and your assistance PLEASE, with the above matter or from anyone who reads this.I look forward to receiving your response and answering your questions.Wishing you the best of Health,Happiness and prosperity in life. Many Thanks. Take care. Ma-Salam.

        Reply
  41. Jessica

    Hi there,
    I love reading your story and proving all of the stereo types wrong that not all Arab men are the same.
    I actually met an Arab man online about a year ago, we hit it off and talk as much as we can considering the time difference. Right before we started talking he was attending a college here in the US and had just flown home to Sadi Arabia for summer. He has been there now for a year. He says that the school will not allow him a new scholarship because he already received his masters. I must say though we haven’t met in person and our Skype calls and texts keep us together I am in love with him. It is hard and all I want is him here to see how things would be in person but regardless I can’t complain. He tends to be a little closed off when it comes to his family and time to have deep conversations. Although when it comes to religion or friends and life he tells me all he is thinking. I enjoy listening to the cultural differences. He also works in the desert around no one ever. He tells me he can’t wait to return to America and he wants to soon. He isn’t happy there and I try to help. I’m just unsure the best way I can.

    Reply
  42. Ayham

    I think the Arabs are looking for a marriage of American citizenship only to get Hitch American
    I do not know but this is what I’m seeing..

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Ayham, because my life in the Middle East has consisted only of living in the GCC, I write my blog based on those experiences. And I can honestly say I don’t know of any man from the GCC who has married an American for citizenship.

      Reply
      1. Al Hashmi

        I totally agree with you.It’s not only the men but the women also. I also don’t know of any man or even woman from the GCC who has married an American for citizenship.

        Reply
        1. Al Hashmi

          I must also add not only Americans,but also those who hold citizenship of any other country.The Reason being such an Idea conflicts with the purpose of Marriage in Islam. I can say this based on my personal experience.Thanks.

          Reply
  43. Arabian

    Dear Ayham

    I am Arabian , I am not from GCC , I have been looking for my woman in the US for more than three years , it is not hard to find someone to marry for citizenship but trust my I would not do that , also I want to say that American girls are very smart and nobody can play with them. My relatives got married to American women and they are very happy in their live , some of them are here in the US.

    Thanks

    Reply
    1. Ayham

      Thank you Arabian for you’r advice but that not what i meant

      If i want to marry a woman from America, I will be married now, I have friends from America loved them and respect them , so thank you for the tip.

      Reply
  44. Camc

    I am an American woman married to an Iraqi man, and I can honestly say he is the most loyal, kind, romantic man I have ever met. We recently moved to Norway to work he moved before me. I moved about 3 weeks later and he had bought clothes all in my size the color bedspread I wanted and I didn’t ask for anything he found a way to ask questions and made mental notes over some time and just generally listened me that’s how he knew what to get. Once you find the right person it’s their goal to make you happy!

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      I’m so happy you’ve found someone loving, attentive, and pays attention to details. That’s so important and I’m sure you do the same for him.

      Finding that one person who really takes time to understand you, yet still loves you and your flaws, is a once in a lifetime event. I cherish it.

      Reply
  45. Angelina

    Hi Camc, that is absolutely wonderful. I was happy to read your story. Both of you are truly blessed to have each other and share the love you have!! Take care:-)

    Reply
  46. Krettressa Witherspoon

    As salamu alaikum as an american muslim convert I was very shocked to see you as a muslimah giving advice to people who are clearly involved in practices outside islam subhannallah may Allah correct my affairs and yours ameen. I ask that you remember our standing before Allah and the reminder benefits the believer.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Krettressa, and thank you for your comment. But I have to say, it surprises me that you, as a Muslim, are judging the behavior of others.

      We, as people, have a choice — we can either respect the differences among us, or we can point fingers and judge it. By offering insight and advice to those who live a life you don’t agree only simply means I’ve chosen the path of respect. None of us are the perfect practicing Muslim (even you) and it’s not our place to judge others and the choices they make in life. If anything, regardless of religion, we have a duty to share experiences and hope we can learn from one another. That’s what being a good human is all about.

      Shame on you.

      Reply
  47. expatandthecity

    Hey AG :) Gosh, the comments on this post are very interesting. I am lol @ all the guys looking for an American wife. I wish them luck if they are sincere. Hehe!

    Enjoy your weekend.

    Reply
        1. American Girl Post author

          Haha I certainly would. But I believe Wataniya and some other network providers have my blog blocked because they already think it’s a dating/porn site based on the name. No need to make it worse :)

          Reply
  48. Cici

    I really love your blog! It’s so encouraging. I met a wonderful man from Algeria in Feb 2013 through facebook. It was quite by accident. I primarily had the account for my business. I had accepted his friend request because we had a mutual friend and I thanked him for sending me the request. The next day I had a message from him. I answered it. Then again a few days later I saw another message and answered it. Then all of a sudden I got the instant message from him! I was really surprised. We then had a 6 hour chat session! I had never in my life talked to anyone that long in one sitting. I kept thinking I was making an international business connection. We had been chatting online for a couple of weeks. He wanted me to get a web-cam so we could skype. I kept saying no because I could see things were getting personal. Plus, my brother and my mother had been wanting me to get one as they live in another state. I caved in & went and got the web-cam, connected it and I saw him for the first time. Then he smiled (oh man that smile) and my brain instantly said “you are really in trouble now!” My stomach flipped and I was really speechless. No man has ever affected me like that! After 4 months he started talking about marriage and would say he loved me. I was so skeptical that I kept trying to break things off with him. I was concerned about the differences in our religion and cultures, the distance…everything. He kept pursuing me and wouldn’t give up. The bottom line is I knew I loved him. He was everything I was looking for in a husband. The fact is I was divorced with two boys. I even tried to use that to get rid of him. It didn’t work. LOL! I didn’t date. I didn’t go to clubs, didn’t celebrate all the so-called christian holidays even though I’m a christian, didn’t talk to men alone. He thought I was a muslima :) so sweet. I wasn’t sure if he was serious about marriage. I had started to do alot of research about Islam and how the marriage works. I asked him about meeting his family. Soon he brought his sisters to meet me. I thought that’s great and I was so happy to meet them (maybe he is serious) but I knew if I didn’t meet mama then it’s not going to happen. I asked him if his mother knew about me. He said yes and that he showed her my pictures and pictures of my kitchen that I had sent him. A few days later I met her and he translated for me. She was so wonderful and FUNNY! He said that since I met his mother that we were officially engaged. I told him that he didn’t actually ask me. I had to give him a little more of a hard time. But he did ask :) He is so loving and sweet. He melted my hard heart. He flew me to Algeria this past December 2012 and we got married. I had to come back to America as I still have my children here. We are progressing to getting a visa for him so he can come live with us. My boys love him and talk with him frequently. It is very hard to be separated like this but inshallah things will go smoothly. I’m so happy I got that web-cam and gave in to my heart. He is patient, kind and so loving. I love him with all my heart. I look forward to living our lives together under one roof. Oh and to find out our religions are so similar that it really isn’t a problem at all. The main thing is that we follow the laws of God. May your family have many blessings too AmericanGirl! Thank you for your blog. It’s so good!

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Cici, thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I get a lot of comments and emails on this topic but sadly not all have a happy ending. You seem to be living that happy ending and I wish you and your new husband the best in the future.

      Reply
      1. Cici

        Hi American Girl, thank you for your reply and kind words. So far so good with the marriage. I must admit it hasn’t always been easy for either of us during this time apart. I think that if we both work on the marriage and do our best with communication things can work out wonderfully. I think in any relationship the trust must be there on both sides even if the couple is together or not.

        Reply
    2. Angelina

      Hi Cici, I enjoyed reading your story. It sounds very happy and I’m happy for you. My story has a very sad, heart breaking ending that I can’t get passed but I pray in time I can. I wish you more happiness and best wishes :)

      Reply
      1. Cici

        Hi Angelina, thank you for your happy wishes for me. I am so sorry to hear about your heartbreaking ending. I pray that your heart will heal again and that you may find all the happiness you deserve.

        Reply
  49. Pingback: The Arab/American Marriage — Al-Juz’a Al-Thaani | American Girl

  50. S.

    Asalaam alaykum,
    This is really helpful – jazakh Allahu khairun. I have a question – there’s an Arab (Palestinian) guy whom I met through an exchange program to the US. He and I are very clearly attracted to one another but his only response to my “we shouldn’t talk so much, (extramarital) relationships – even just emotional ones – aren’t good” message was “I didn’t mean the word sahabti to mean girlfriend.” (I may have insulted him accidentally, but I think what he actually meant was not “I don’t like you that way,” as I initially thought, but that he was trying to be respectful toward me by saying “I didn’t think of you as a girlfriend.”)
    Anyway – we talk on facebook a lot, he’s had his (female) cousin add me, and I know his male cousin from last year’s program…and I’ve spoken with his little brother on the phone and now he wants me to meet his mother and sisters via skype (!). Is there any way that an Arab guy would do this just for a faraway American female *friend*? It’s not like marriage is exactly possible at the moment – he’s in Gaza – but I find it kind of fascinating that he tells me often how much his mom likes me (alhamdulillah) and wants me to meet them, especially considering that I’m older than him. There was a family gathering and he actually sat and talked with me on facebook chat practically the whole time – I said I was worried he’d get in trouble and he said “no, they really like you here, don’t worry.” And he keeps talking about wanting to see me again inshaAllah (and no I wouldn’t do anything stupid like marry him to get him a visa or anything, God forbid!).
    Anyway. Thoughts? I’d really appreciate an email response but on here is okay too inshaAllah. Thanks!

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Sounds like your situation is quite complicated. Clearly you like one another, but how much?

      It’s not uncommon for people from other countries to want an American friend. Not really sure why, we’re not that interesting by any means. But maybe to learn more English? Or, for more sinister reasons?

      I believe it’s important to follow your heart but to do so with open eyes. Do some research on Palestine, the current situation there, and then ask yourself what his true intentions might be based on what you know of him as a person.

      Wishing you all the best. I wish I had better advice. Please keep me posted.

      Reply
  51. Abdullah as Dave

    Why hello there,
    I am pleased to read such lovely comments about Arab men from all the women in here. I didn’t really expect American women to have such positive views about us.
    I lived in LA for 5 years studying Film, and through dating I didn’t actually feel that American women are interested in Arab men, I felt as if being an Arab was a downside to them!but to be honest I didn’t date an All American girl, I usually assumed that me, being an Arab, is a problem to them, let alone from Kuwait.
    I wish you happiness, to you and your husband. You both seem like awesome people. I truly hope to have such a story, where I’ll be sitting with an american wife somewhere at a beach house somewhere in the west coast enjoying a glass of wine and watching the sunset. Better than living in a showy, artificial somewhat of mansion here in Kuwait.
    Have a pleasant day :)

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Abdullah, thank you for your kind comment.

      I think most American women find Arab men to be very attractive. America is no longer comprised of white faces and blonde hair… we’ve become very multi-cultural and it’s intriguing to many of us. We love learning about the rest of the world and get the opportunity to do so right here in our own country.

      However, Arab men, as wonderful as you all are, come across as ‘awkward’ when initially talking to women. A University aged American woman has extensive life experience (not necessarily sexual, drugs, or alcohol) but she’s experienced more than many Arab men from Kuwait. She’s spent her entire life going to school with boys, hanging out with boys, and interacting with them on every level. So when she sees that cute Arab guy at Uni and he seems standoffish (due to lack of experience talking to girls) she takes it as a lack of interest. Resulting in… nothing.

      I also hope you find that one woman who brings you as much happiness and joy as my husband and I have together.

      Reply
  52. Angelina

    Hi American girl, I enjoy reading your and everyone else’s comments. I admire your relationship and marriage. Both of you are blessed to have each other. I wish my relationship could have a happy ending. Take care and look forward to more comments :)

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Angelina. Thank you. I really wish I had the ‘secret’ to the type of marriage my husband and I share, but I really have to give him the credit. He’s such a genuine, understanding man. We really are blessed.

      Reply
  53. Dr. Anil Pradap

    Dear Friends,

    This story is totally made up. Cause this guy dont wanna share name. Why they keep “American girl” as her hame? Dear friends, dont be fool with this stupid’s barking… This is a man i hope and they wanna convert all westerners to islam, this is the idea. Fucking bastards!!

    Any how i can tell my name, i not coward. My name is Dr. Anil, working in Kerala, in India.

    So please come back to Jesus and come back to save the world!

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Dr. Anil. Thanks for your comment as silly as it might be.

      My ‘name’ isn’t ‘American Girl’, that just happens to be the name of my blog which has been in existence since 2004/2005. I have also met numerous people in person through my blog who can confirm the chances of me having male genitalia is quite slim. My husband would be a pretty good source for accuracy. I don’t share my real name in the blog because, well, it’s a blog. It’s not my personal diary. Though rest assured, friends and family don’t refer to me as ‘American Girl’. Whew!

      As for wanting to ‘convert all Westerners to Islam’, ummm no. Not sure where you get that idea or what I typed to give you that impression. As a matter of fact, I have the utmost respect for ALL religions and would never attempt to change anyone’s beliefs. It’s not our place to judge, regardless of what religion you practice. Unless it’s your religion — clearly judging is perfectly acceptable in your world. Oh, and obscene name calling, your religion condones that as well. Wait, what religion do you practice?

      Finally, no offense to you or the lovely people of Kerla, but I would venture to say ‘Dr. Anil’ is a fairly common name in your part of the world. I need a little more evidence you’re not a Slovakian woman trying to get people to convert to Christianity.

      Reply
      1. Arabian Prince

        Dear American Girl
        Thank you for your reply to Anil , I feel pity for him/her , i can see the hate and the racism in his/her speech. dear American , yes you do not have to tell us your real name and I do not know your religion even though I have not missed any part of your blog. I think those people who judge the person because of his religion are crazy and they just hurt themselves. This place is for respect and love , please Indian racist buddy go and search for another website to find people like you who like to fight.
        Please American girl try to delete those messages , because we do not want such bad guy to mess up the beauty of this blog.

        Regards

        Reply
        1. American Girl Post author

          Thank you for your kind comment. I don’t often discuss religion on the blog because that’s not what it’s about. Though religion plays an important role in my life it’s not the topic of every conversation.

          As for Anil, he’s bitter and angry. He needs a place to vent and I don’t mind being the outlet. If it makes him feel better what’s the harm? Just silly words.

          Reply
          1. American Girl Post author

            Thank you, Angelina. That’s so kind of you. I do try to respond to all comments… even the negative ones. I feel that if people can take the time to read my blog and comment, the very least I can do is respect them enough to acknowledge that.

  54. Zeinab

    Hi My name is zainab. And im in love with this guy who is from riyadh, saudi arabia. i met him at school. he loves me too and we have been together for almost a yr. He told me that no matter how much he loves me he cant marry me because, well im american.He refuses to even bring up the idea of marrying an american girl to his family. Even though i am american, i am still Muslim. So i cant see what the problem is. I love him so much, his family is starting to pressure him into marriage, and the thought of him being with another woman kills me. What advice can you give me

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Zainab. Thank you for sharing your story, I’m certain so many others can relate to your situation.

      Fortunately you have a boyfriend who is being honest with you. That’s certainly not the case with many of them and it leaves a lot of women confused and heart broken when the relationship ends. Therefore, my advice to you would be to end this relationship sooner rather than later. As he said, though he might love you, he can’t marry you. You deserve to be with someone who can and will marry you. Staying in this relationship is basically telling this man you don’t have enough self esteem to believe you’re better than being ‘the girl for fun’.

      I agree being Muslim should be enough. And Muslim men are permitted to marry a woman of any religion, so really being Muslim should be more than enough. But, when you’re dealing with cultures that have seen very little change over the centuries, asking them to accept anything different is uncomfortable. Young women in that culture are raised being prepared for marriage one day. Learning to cook, clean, how to deal with the maid properly, helping raise her brothers and sisters, etc. And though you might make a wonderful wife you’re not the vision his mother has in her head.

      Note: Not all Saudi families are the same of course. I know many Saudis who have married outside of their culture and everyone is perfectly happy.

      Reply
      1. Zeinab

        Than you so much for your response. It did help put things into perspective for me. I wish things could have been different. My gut tells me, him and i could spend our lives happy together. But sometimes you are meant to love someone but not spend your life with them, which is unfortunate. I believe Allah will definetley send the right guy into my life.
        Thank you!

        Reply
  55. Alagi

    Dear Madam.

    I am man from and my age is 26 years old, I am working with company (Business Relations Manager),Please I am looking seriously to find my life partner and my other half for me on these world anywhere in world wide I am getting nice family and this is my sole hope, please if you have any interested please feel free to contacts me any time you want, and please tell me more about you and about your life.

    Please I will be waiting for your soon reply to me with your comments to me.

    Please feel free to contacts me on this my email address : yasser.agi@gmail.com :

    Best Regards.
    Yasser Alagi.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      I love that those commenting are able to help the others with their words. It’s my inspiration to start ‘Dear American Girl’.

      Reply
      1. expatandthecity

        I took the ‘Dear Expat Girl’ tab down on the blog months ago because it’s difficult to answer all of the emails and comments the blog already receives. Maybe it’s selfish but I didn’t want to encourage more. Some readers think the living in Kuwait post is an employment agency post. They ask a lot about salaries, salons and dating Arab men. I just don’t have the time for it even with the one lady helping me.

        You can tell with your comments that you have the time and patience. Your kind words are very helpful to those in need. We are going to forward everything from now on to you. ;)

        Reply
        1. American Girl Post author

          I have noticed that about the ‘Living in Kuwait’ post. You’ve been mistaken as an employment agency and I’ve been mistaken as a dating website lol.

          I really wish I had far more time to invest in the blog anymore. However, I only require 4.5 – 5 hours of sleep a night and it feels as though almost every minute of the day is spent either working or attending an event, festival, or performing arts with hubby and/or friends. When I finally have SO MUCH I could blog about, I just don’t have the time. And when I do find a few minutes I realize what I wanted to blog about isn’t important at all. I believe we’ve become more grounded and are coming into a true sense of ‘happiness’ since moving to the US — blogging about shopping and dining out (which I have done in the past) now feels so shallow and senseless. Yet as limited as my time has become, I try to maintain the initial purpose of the blog — personal therapy and if I help anyone else along the way then it’s done better than I could hope for.

          Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Thank you for your comment! I did get your email and am hoping to find time to reply within the next day or so. I’m a bit behind on blog emails, so please accept my apology.

      Reply
  56. Sara

    Felt in love with your blog may ALLAH bless your union…here’s my story.

    I have been dating an amazing Arab man for the past 4 month. I am of African origins, born in an Arab country . He is the first Arab man I date, I’ve always dated non-arab due to the fact that unfortunately black women are most of the times looked down at and are subjected to all kinds of bias & stereotypes by some ignorant racist close minded people. Apart the ethnic visible differences, we both share different religion, I am Christian (Catholic) and he is Muslim (sunni). Yes, lots of difference in here right! Honestly, I don’t care about our ethnic/religious difference, LOVE has no color nor religion.
    I describe myself as a cultivated, independent, cosmopolitan, open-minded young lady…same applies to my boyfriend plus he is caring & a gentleman. Since we started dating, I’m extremely spoilt. Though, I dislike being spoilt because Im a feminista, but, an Arab man when he loves, he treats his “partner” like a diamond. He makes her feel special. My boyfriend asked to date me three years ago, at the time I categorically refused, I was focused on my studies and was coming out of a break up so I didn’t want to commit myself into any relationship. Coincidence & time played it’s role, our path came accross again few month ago.

    I’ve intoduced him to my family and friends, he didn’t, I’ve only seen his cousin, and I wasn’t introduced as his girlfriend till date I haven’t seen his mother. I know very well Arab culture so I don’t expect seeing his mum any sooner. He haven’t told her about me yet. I always ask him what would her reaction be? He says, his parents will never interfere in his private life they surely will advise him but not interfere. I have met few of his friends whom deep down might wonder why he’s dating a black girl.

    When we’re out in public, we get the famous stares, it really bothers me, the last time I checked it wasn’t written allien on my forehead:p. He holds my hands, kisses me in public (depends on the area we’re at). We love each other, I know he loves me , he had proved it to me but the thing is we fight/argue quite a lot, due to many factors, jealousy, machism and my crazy personality lol.

    We’re both mature, we did share intimate moments together, we are so into each other. But I’m not naive and he has always been honest with me. We argued once and he said, he won’t marry me, at the time, he brought up our difference of religion excuse and that he might marry a “virgin”…the culture excuse. I was hurt and that was exactly the kind of scenario I was avoiding and thats why I’ve always avoided dating an Arab. I considered his words pure plain hypocrisy!

    I have shed a lot of tears, he keeps calling/texting/seeing me, I am confused. I asked to break up to take sometime to assess our relationship. When I did so, he said, why am I giving up on him. When we meet all the love-emerges again so do his jealousy, he thinks Im cheating on him. Like, he imagines stuff. I have deactivated my facebook account, I’ve cut ties with most of my female-friends. Whenever I’m somewhere he asks if there’s men around me. He checks my Whatsapp messages. Bottom of line, he doesn’t trust me though I am faithful to him. Sorry for the long dissertation:).

    I don’t know what to do, I’m torn. My brain tells me to end up things but my heart says the opposite.

    Would appreciate any advice.

    Thank you

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Sounds to me like you really care about this man, but sadly, it sounds like he may just be enjoying you for the time being. I know that’s harsh and I’m truly sorry if it comes across has hurtful. I certainly have no desire to hurt your feelings but from what you’re telling me, things just don’t seem very serious on his end.

      If you wish to continue this relationship it might be best if you remove as much emotion as you can and treat it exactly the way he does. Or, give him the marriage ultimatum. He can either do the right thing or be scared enough to actually walk away. But if he does walk away it’s going to hurt you. Just accept that it’s best to be hurt by the truth than a lingering lie.

      Wishing you all the best. I wish I had more positive input. Perhaps I’m not seeing something and maybe another reader can offer some insight as well.

      Reply
    2. Angelina

      Hello, I don’t know if this will be of any help but I thought I would tell you a saying that I don’t know that you have heard before. If you love someone let them go IF they come back to you then they were yours IF they don’t come back then you know they were not yours. I hope that makes sense. I’m a believer of the saying. I wish you all the best with your Arab boyfriend. God Bless!

      Reply
  57. Cece

    Sweet Sara, I really feel sad that you are going through this. It sounds like you really love him and you gave up a lot for him. I have to agree with American Girl on this. It doesn’t sound like he is as serious about you as you are about him. The thing about him being an Arab man has nothing to do with anything, I truly believe it’s a male thing. If I had one thing to say to all women out there it would be this, if you really love your man and you can see yourself married to him do not do anything sexual with him until you are married. I know I sound old fashioned or whatever but somehow something changes in their mind about the woman when she gives in to him. Your value has decreased in his mind. Ladies, I swear don’t put yourself on sale for anyone. You deserve to be respected and it’s you who will teach them how by standing your ground on the intimacy rule. If you stay strong they will gain the best respect for you and they more than likely will not marry the one who gives in. Before marriage you must be stronger than them for that. Then meet his family and friends as the relationship grows. Sara, it sounds like you have a decision to make in regards to him. I pray for your peace, for you to be happy and really loved by the one who deserves you. If the man truly and deeply loves you he will prove it over and over and over again and would be proud to introduce you to anyone and everyone. All the best.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Thank you, Cece for giving her such great advice. You really put into words what I was thinking.

      I really agree that waiting until marriage is the appropriate decision to make when involved with an Arab man. Our views in the west are much different and therefore the situation could be different as well. But in the Arab culture, a woman’s self respect is directly tied to her virginity.

      Reply
      1. Cece

        Thank you American Girl! I am so happy that you have provided a positive outlet for people here on your blog. I continue to enjoy it so much. I wish all ladies in the west would have the view of waiting until marriage too. They would save themselves a lot of heartache with men! I really appreciate Arab culture for that. I know there are still good girls out here too and I hope the Arab men won’t give up or have the view that all western girls have loose morals.

        Reply
        1. American Girl Post author

          Thank you, Cece. But the real support comes from you readers who offer such great advice and insight to one another. I really appreciate all of you so much and I’m so glad I can be part of the virtual support system you all provide one another.

          Reply
  58. Sara

    American girl, Angelina and Cece thank you Ladies for your genuine advice, it goes straight in my heart (and my brain).

    Couple of hours ago we had a conversation, following our convo, I decided to break up. I did ask him again about the marriage
    issue, he said, we can remain together but “not as a wife”= I can’t be his wife. Why would I be in a relationship that won’t lead to marriage?

    I’d rather suffer emotionally now then later on though it is really hard. He said, he will be there for me etc. I just want to delete him out of my system…

    I must agree, being a virgin is important in the Arab culture (and in others as well) but most women in here have intemacy the only difference is that they don’t talk much about it because it is taboo. And most men want to have intimacy, for instance, I once asked my boyfriend if he would have stayed with me if we didnt have intimate moments he’s reply was “no”. Like, isnt it contradictory!

    I know I shouldn’t had given him the cookie though I did so out of love. I made a big mistake. Our value decreases when we give in, it is true.

    Right now, I need to admit the fact that it’s over, I don’t know what the future holds, deep down Im hoping for a miracle.

    What’s meant to be is meant to be what’s not meant to be isn’t meant to be… Guess I wasn’t meant for him:(.

    Reply
    1. Angelina

      Hi Sara, I’m truly sorry!! I pray for you to be strong. Remember God knows what’s best for us. There is something better that is going to be meant to be. I know the feeling of praying, wishing, and crying for a miracle. I made it through Sara and I know you can too. I know it doesn’t seem possible now but you will be happy again. You deserve to be. I’m here anytime you need a friendly ear. I also understand. My email is divabeauty822@yahoo.com. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. Please let me know how you’re doing. (((((Hugs)))))))

      Reply
  59. Cece

    Hi Sara,
    I can only imagine how hard this time is for you because it sounds like you really love him. It will take time for the pain to lessen. But you are so right when you said why stay in a relationship if you already know it isn’t going to go into marriage. I feel proud of you for standing up for yourself. It’s true that Arab men prefer chaste women and if you happen to meet another Arab man or any other man for that matter, you already know that you are a diamond and you are never on sale. If he leaves you because you didn’t give it up then, he just couldn’t afford the price of the diamond (you & marriage). That kind of man can just keep on walking! There are lots of good guys still out there. Continue to build yourself up and be content inside yourself and that perfect match for you will just show up. All in God’s time, usually when you least expect it. It happened to me and I simply adore my Arab husband. I could have never imagined what a perfect gift God could give. So you hang in there sweet Sara. I’m proud of you :) Think of me as your big sister ;) I know I must sound like an old fashioned grandma but I am old fashioned. xoxo

    Reply
  60. Eve

    Hi American girl, thank u so much for this wonderful blog;-) you’re advice to women dating arab guys and men in General is beautiful .. I’m american /mexican catholic girl ,mother of 3 beautiful girls :) I was dating arab muslim guy very religious respectful guy..things didn’t go to well unfortunately;( like I said on the previous post this break up has hurt me very much I really loved him:( learned many things I had never in my life with any other man .. We had many beautiful moments together but,also had sad and hurtful ones:( unfortunately, I did the mistake of doing that temporary marriage and killed all chances of ever being his wife the right way;( I would stay over at his place or he would stay at my place .. We were already doing things like married ! We started having problems with him going with his family and not inviting me anywhere with friends or family never met anyone but his roommate .. I later asked him 6 months or so if we were ever going to meet his parents and he responded he would kill them if they found out !he was to scared to tell them about us:( That’s when I realized I had to run and never look back! I’m so sad I feel used by him it’s terrible feeling ..
    It’s been month 1/2 he has txt me during this time like ones a week told me he missed me to pray for him and told him he was hypocrite ;-) it took him a month to actually call me before he was only txt didn’t answer his call was very upset he didn’t look for me or called only getting txt messages !! He left a message saying he wanted to wish me a happy thanks giving and wanted to stop by to see me ! It’s been a week 1/2 and he hasn’t called or looked for me :( guessing it wasn’t for GD cause ! I herd by a mutual friend he wanted to introduce me to his aunt ? Supposedly she is visiting and he had called me so we could meet but I never answer his call ! I wonder if that’s really his aunt and not his wife it’s weird he never came looking for me during this time :( it’s confusing there way of doing things is very different and hard to understand hope u can give some advice ! Thank you , eve;)

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Eve, I wish I had some advice to give you to make your situation better. Sadly, I just don’t.

      In today’s culture rarely does ‘temporary marriage’ have the same meaning and value that it once did so long ago. Now it basically translates to ‘let’s have sex’. I honestly wouldn’t recommend it for any woman who is seriously hoping to one day marry the man she’s involved with.

      Also, much of the Arab culture teaches that sex is ‘dirty’ and horribly sinful when unmarried people participate in it. Young men often overcome their guilt by completely eliminating the ‘sinful, dirty’ partner from their life, and/or even blaming her for it happening. He will use Islam as his means to be forgiven and justify his behavior as a ‘test’ from Allah. You, on the other hand, will just be ‘dirty’ in his mind. Even though HE pursued you, HE suggested temporary marriage, and HE willingly participated. This often leaves women sitting alone, confused, and feeling very used by a man they thought really loved them.

      The ONLY time a man from that culture doesn’t see sex as dirty and sinful is with his wife. Of course there are exceptions, but it’s best to never believe you’ve met one, otherwise you’ll end up hurt.

      As for his randoms texts here and there, that’s his guilty conscious… or even a desire to have sex again. Not to say he doesn’t miss you, but he’s made very clear where you stand in his life. Please don’t allow him to manipulate you further.

      Finally, if a man wants to be with you he will be. He’s not going to send random texts, he’s going to show up at your door.

      Reply
  61. Sara Noemy

    Hi American Girl!

    I would first like to say that your blog is genuinely refreshing. I can almost hear your sweet voice as you kindly answer many of the question and comments that come your way. As a fellow American I am proud to see how wise and open minded you are. You have made a great impression on many of your readers, including me! :)

    I would like to know of your thoughts of my encounters with my habibi. I was born and raised in California, but I am of hispanic descent. I have been dating my boyfriend for 4.5 years and we are both soon to receive our business degrees in the next six months.

    My boyfriend is Emirati from the city of Abu Dhabi. He come from a traditional background, but with a very open mind. He has lived in Germany, Australia and for the past 5 years in Cali. For the past 3 years of our relationship he has declared his love for me, over and over and told me that he would like to get married as soon as he finds a job( after graduation). He has been welcomed into my family and he is greatly loved by everyone. He sat down with my mother and spoke of his feeling to her and promised her that he would marry me aswell. I love him dearly, and there is no other kinder or warm hearted person than him. He understands me and is so patient with me, even when I don’t deserve it. We truly believe that we are made for one another and feel that only God himself could come between us.

    I was raised Christian, but I am not a practicing Christian as of now. I have embraced the arabic/emirati culture and I have tried to research and learn as much as possible because I want to know what I will look forward to. I have been to UAE twice, and cant wait to go back! I have truly fallen in love with his country.

    Yet… after all of the discussions, memories and time together… I have not met his mother. Actually, his mother knows about me but has no idea that I am his girlfriend. I have met two of his sisters, while they visited Cali and we hit it off. We love each other so much, and get along so well….yet they too think I am only a friend.

    I try to respect my boyfriend’s judgement, and try not to interfere with family relationships because only he knows his family best. He tells me that he wants me to be a surprise to his family. His mother has tried to pair him up with a cousin or two on several occasions but he insists to his mother that he will choose his own wife and to please not bring up the subject anymore. He would like to marry me in the states first, and then head out to UAE. He then wants us to sign marriage documents once we are in Abu Dhabi and once it is legalized, THEN he will present me as his wife.

    okay. I really have mixed feelings about the way he wants to go about it. I feel such a betrayal from my part to his sisters and mother… but I try to trust his judgement. Because he comes from a very traditional background, I understand that he wants to be cautious on how he will inform his family. He will be the first to marry outside of their culture, and has already warned me that half of his family will be happy for him, and the other will reject the idea. There are so many negative blogs and comments on line, that only brings doubt into my mind. I have been told that I am naive to think that he will marry me; that he would only be allowed to marry an emirati.

    He comes from a wealthy family, and I believe that he has waited this long because he really wants to make his own money and have financial freedom so that he CAN marry the person he choses too.

    It is difficult not to feel like he is hiding me, because anyone reading this would definitely state that he is. I believe that if he truly was using me or playing with me, he wouldn’t of gone out of his way to speak to my mom, or stuck around this long to do so. He is so handsome and tall, he could have any girl if he wanted.. but he has chosen to stay with me. I plan to fight to keep it that way, but sometimes my own insecurities can be my worst enemy.

    I would really like to know what you would think or do if you were in my situation. Thank you for your time and I look forward to speaking to you in the near future. Have a nice day!

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Sara,

      Thank you for your kind words and sharing your story. I hope I can provide a little insight. Or perhaps some of the other readers have been in your situation and will share their stories. Also, thank you for pointing out that he’s Emirati. I try to offer advice based on personal experiences or knowledge through friends. I lived in Abu Dhabi for a couple of years and still have a number of very good friends there.

      In your situation I’m not so sure he’s ‘keeping you a secret’. He has introduced you to his sisters, even if only as a friend. It could be his way to test the waters so to speak. And rest assured, his sisters aren’t totally blind. They have a pretty good idea that you’re probably dating. They would never say that to him and he’s not going to say it to them, but they probably know. And there’s a strong possibility they’ve even told mom. Sisters are often a good ‘buffer’ between a brother’s mishaps and their mother’s disappointment.

      Of course no one can say whether or not this man will really marry you. I would say the same if he were an American guy from your city. Until you’re saying “I do” there are no guarantees. But, the fact that he’s met your mom and family is a good sign. Still not a guarantee. In his mind he knows he’s moving back to the UAE soon and to leave a few lies behind wouldn’t be such a horrible thing.

      The one thing that does stand out about your story is the length of time you’ve been together. You don’t mention a number of break-ups, cheating, lying, or a ‘roller coaster’ relationship. That’s a good sign. And a sign that he could be very serious about his intentions. You might want to check out Texan in UAE‘s blog. She’s a woman who met her Emirati husband in the US, married him, and later moved to Abu Dhabi with him. Sadly their marriage didn’t work and she’s back home in Texas with her beautiful children. You may be able to read through her older posts and find something that really relates to you and can help you during this time of confusion.

      As for wanting you to be a ‘surprise’… you wouldn’t be the first woman in that situation. It’s far more common than you would think. At first the mother’s aren’t happy at all with their son’s decision but will be as accepting as they can. Once there’s a baby involved all is forgiven.

      If you really have fears that he’s not going to marry you, then you should be very clear about that with him. Also, don’t behave as his wife until he’s made you one. Always respect yourself or he’s never going to respect you.

      Wishing you all the best. Please keep me posted on how things go.

      Reply
  62. Meriahalexandra

    Dear American Girl,

    Your blog truly touches my heart bringing a rush of memories and emotion.

    I befriended a group of Saudis when I was in college and became very close to one man in particular. I must admit I did know know very much about Saudi culture prior to our friendship. I remembering feeling awkward about some of the pressing questions I had. I got to know him better and as our friendship matured I began to feel comfortable asking him his views on politics, western society, religion, and women’s right. With time, I became very attracted to him, his conviction to do the honorable thing, and his kindness. I think I may have fallen in love with him. It nearly brought tears to my eyes when I read this post. When you spoke about your husband’s love for you and his obligation to take care of you. It reminds me so much of him.

    He was amazing, however, I still felt I was not ready to date him. I think a part of me feared that his family would never accept me but more than anything else it simply was not the right time in my life. In the end my gut, intuition, or whatever I was calling it to justify my decision to end things won . I could write out all the fears/suspicions I had (cheating and “womanizing”) but those fears really don’t matter anymore.

    I appreciate the memories we shared together but I also accept my reasons for walking away. But a part of me can’t help but mourn and wonder about a great love that could have been.

    I look forward to reading more of your posts.

    Meriahalexandra

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Thank you for sharing your story with us. Sadly there are a lot of Arab/American relationships that end for one reason or another. Some on good terms, some on bad. Sounds like you took the mature route.

      I am truly thankful for my husband but not because he’s such a fabulous provider, but because of his kindness, compassion, and genuine love. There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not impressed with his kindness towards animals and random strangers. I truly wish everyone could have a man as wonderful as him as I believe every woman deserves it.

      Wishing you all the best.

      Reply
    2. jassim

      hi meriahalexandra how r u im jassim a man from oman im looking for american girl for good relationship that leads to marriage im educated im single im goodhearted kind person treat my woman so nicely waiting for ur reply

      Reply
  63. Kanu mom

    Can I get some advice on a good,final way to tell an Arab boy to get lost and leave my daughter alone? They met in college. He wants to come see us. I don’t want to threaten him with the tribal police or a cadre of male cousins, but it’s better that my daughter marries within our tribe due to cultural and blood quantum requirements in our native community. He says he wants to marry her and has told his family, from what I understand, not that I care. It’s better for him,too. He’ll have a hard time being accepted here on our reservation if he stays here and he’d have to. She has said she loves him, but is confused about their future..and says she would never leave her people for him and wants the kids raised here as traditionals. Tribe comes first. This land is sacred to her. Also, any children they would have would fall under federal law Indian Child Welfare Act and he could get in big trouble if he tried to remove them from their mother or the native community. He needs to go back to where he came from. We don’t care about his money. Culture is more important than that. He’s a nice guy, but Arabs aren’t the only folks who are tribal and traditional. There are plenty of native boys she can marry. She is too young right now to make that decision anyway.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Kanu Mom and thank you for your comment.

      Sorry, there’s no special recipe to make them just disappear :) However, I suppose it would be best to start with your daughter and telling her how strongly you feel about the situation. If she’s still young and holds her culture dear, then she’ll make a decision she believes is best for her. However, like with any parent/child, if you forbid her she’s probably going to run right into his arms. It’s possible this is just an experience your daughter will have to live through and you can only hope for the best as her parent.

      As for the Arab boy who wants to marry her, perhaps you should meet him. Like it or not it’s possible he’s going to be the father of your future grandchildren. And, if he visits at your home he might decide on his own that your traditions and culture are something he’s not comfortable with. Allowing him to visit would also give you the opportunity to speak with him directly regarding your feelings, culture, traditions, and lack of desire for his money. Which is admirable by the way. Some parents don’t agree with their child’s choice in a partner but if he has money (even minimal because it’s still more than they have) they somehow overlook their initial reasons for not agreeing to the marriage.

      Wishing you and your family all the best.

      Reply
  64. DC Patterson

    I’m glad this site is up and info is being given out. My two cents…..any man of any ethnicity who will want to sleep with you and then wants a virgin to marry is not worth your time,IMO, but, hey, your time is your own to waste. We are all free to be stupid. (To say an Arab man cannot intellectually or morally figure out this illogical situation is,IMO, putting down Arab men.)My advice: if you come across a man like that, he is fully aware of what he is doing…so don’t give up any of YOUR values or freedoms for him. Stay away from him, use him for sex like he is using you,or do whatever ….but stay in charge of your heart and the relationship. He’s probably not good husband material for you.DO call him out on his BS if he tries any (especially if he tries to displace his personal responsibility onto his “culture”)..and especially if he’s a foreign Arab (or anybody else…let’s be fair)here in the US with you on your turf. I’m not a redneck flag waver, being neither white nor particularly patriotic, but having had relatives go into Gulf War I, (small …but people did get hurt and killed),if the dude was Kuwaiti or any other Gulf Stater I wouldn’t hesitate to tell him to cut the crap on principle alone. But let’s not put all of it on the guy…if you women let yourself get sucked in, you bear plenty of the responsibility ,too. What is that old saying about not complaining about being bitten by a rattler when you knew what it was when you picked it up? (Public service announcement to the Middle Eastern high school and college exchange students:.in spite of what you might have heard about western girls,wearing shorts and tank tops does not indicate lack of virginity or loose morals,a great many parents take their states’ statutory rape and sexual harassment laws seriously and some,unfortunately, might not like you for who you are. You don’t want to get on the wrong side of that…so you might want to keep YOUR pants on as well.)
    American Girl, having read through some of your stuff(stumbled across it while looking for something else)…were YOU a virgin when you were married to this gentleman who supposedly kept his own pad in which you don’t wish to know what he did woman-wise? Seems like you two were more mature than that. That said,I don’t know how old you are or if you have any kids,but the Arab teenagers and young adults…..both here and in the “old countries” ,according to my kids who go to school with them, are having boyfriends, girlfriends, sex, etc. True, the parents don’t know and it’s not nearly up to the level of the West (yet) due to some medieval forms of punishment in some countries for fornication ( soon, I expect, to be modified when the younger people are finally in charge),but there are Arab couples who marry after having plenty of sex with each other, having grown a decent set of critical thinking skills and rejected the obvious hypocrisy. I know of one couple and they know of plenty of others. I suspect this trend will continue,especially in America and the West. So if you have an Arab guy using culture as an excuse to leave you after he’s done the happy dance with you,he’s just your average jerk. Even the imams are being more honest about the pre-marital sex among ,especially, Arab-Americans.
    Maybe it’s due to MLK day coming up that prompted me to write this screed,but remembering my own experience with an Arab friend even 30 years ago during college….I can say he bore no resemblance to anything you describe. He had zero double standards, believed in equality of all races and of men and women, wasn’t a virgin himself and expected to marry someone he loved regardless of her sexual history. He in fact did marry a woman of Jewish descent that he had lived with during college. He was Palestinian. And, due to his insistence of going back to help out with trying to make peace between the two factions, he is no longer with us. I haven’t had a close friendship with an Arab male since then, but I have a hard time putting the Arab men you describe into the same category as this brave, intelligent, and noble fighter for peace ,equality,and justice.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Thanks for your comment and I DO agree with much of what you’ve stated.

      However, there’s a HUGE difference among Arab cultures from one country to the next. Heck, even inside one country. What I write about is MY experience and the culture MY husband is from. I can’t write about the Palestinian culture because I’m not related to any. Nor can I say an Egyptian man would be similar to my husband… never been married to one.

      I can easily say that the majority of schools in Kuwait are segregated after a certain age (some even from Kindergarten). Sure, dating and pre-marital sex are taking place but it’s NOT openly discussed among family members and people go well out of their way to ensure it’s hidden. I don’t know ONE Kuwaiti girl who can bring a ‘boyfriend’ home to meet the family, hang out, and maybe even spend the night. Not to say it doesn’t happen, but definitely not something I’ve ever witnessed. And I would venture to say it’s pretty much the same for a young Kuwaiti man. It would be considered highly disrespectful to his mother to bring a girl he’s ‘dating’ around to flaunt a physical relationship. Again, I’m sure it happens but it’s not the norm by any means.

      I agree that if a man uses his culture (or ANY reason) to have sex with a girl and dump her he’s not marriage material anyway. But, without a good understanding of the culture, I do NOT suggest a woman hop in bed with a man hoping to end up his wife. Perhaps it’s perfectly normal for some Arab cultures to date, become intimate, and then marry… but KNOW that before you slide out of your panties. Unless there’s no expectation of a relationship from either side.

      As for your personal questions about me… really? I have enough self respect and respect for my husband to keep private matters private :)

      Reply
  65. hurtbyMEman

    I am an American girl who dated and was engaged to be married to a middle eastern american born christian man. We had a great relationship for the most part in the beginning until wedding planning. We did have issues with the families. His family is more educated, mine is not.
    I felt that I would not be good enough for his mother. My fiance is very successful as a MD and I have my bachelors. His mother professed that Dr’s need to marry Dr’s. However, after we got married and had kids his family wanted me to stay home which I was fine with. His mother cared a lot about status and would say things indirectly about how I am not a Dr. and how other people would care. If my fiance loved me he would not care about not having letters next to my name. He wouldn’t care what other people think, but he cares too much what his mother thinks, whose never really worked outside the house much in her life. How can I marry into a family who cares too much about status? We are all human, letters don’t mean anything in the end.
    I feel like my fiance was not being transparent with me. He told me when we first met that the wedding is paid for by the groom in the ME as it is cheaper but in the states, both families pay as it’s more expensive. He wanted me to help pay even though he makes 10x more than me and I live paycheck to paycheck and he is a MD. This wedding was going to be 100% ME wedding btw. I later overheard him tell his mother that he is so happy that weddings in the states are Less Expensive than in the ME. I read an article on the internet how the ME man is supposed to pay for the wedding and how the woman marries into the man’s family and leaves her own. Is this still true? I feel like he was only willing to incorporate the traditions that benefited him. I was so good to him and loved him so much. My heart still cries. I was converting from catholic to orthodoxy for him and tried to fit in with his family who had a hard time excepting me as I never did anything right by them. I’m an easy going person..makes me so sad. We were going to get married in a few months.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi there, Hurt.

      I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through such a situation. But sadly there’s not a lot you can do but be thankful it happened sooner rather than later. You’re much better off knowing what you’re dealing with before marriage and children.

      As for paying for the wedding, that differs among cultures… and even families. In my case our weddings (Kuwait and US) were paid for by my husband’s family and my husband. However, I know of some women who have paid for their own weddings. It really depends on the person I suppose. As for cost, both Middle Eastern and US weddings are comparable. I don’t believe one of ours cost a significant amount more or less than the other. Again, depends on the people and what type of wedding they want. We went with very elegant and classy while keeping it small and intimate (family and closest friends). I find very large weddings to be more of a ‘show’ and they lose their true meaning. But that’s just how I feel. Obviously others have very different ideas about what a wedding should be.

      You mention you were converting for him which is a big mistake. Religion is something a lot of people take very seriously and hold dear to their heart. To give up that part of yourself for a man is a red flag. If he can’t love you for who you are then he doesn’t deserve to have you. And if his family can’t accept you, then you’re better off finding someone who can.

      Reply
  66. hurtbyMEman

    Thank you for your reply american girl. It is nice to get someone else’s input who can somewhat relate, especially to ME culture. I never really thought there was such a difference in cultures until researching it after we broke up. I thought that since he grew up in the states that he was more Americanized and wouldn’t be so swayed by his family’s opinion over mine. When I first met him, he told me his mother wanted him to find someone from his religion and culture, but there aren’t many to choose from where we are. Maybe that was a red flag. He wants whatever his mom wants. I was open minded about his religion and culture, but I can only be so open minded to the point where I feel I cannot lose my sense of identity. I wish there was more of a mix of culture, taking good parts of both ME and American culture and joining them, especially bc we live in the states, but I felt as though I was doing all the compromising. I felt that my feelings were not being heard. I’m not ME, and will never be. I do love some aspects of his culture and it makes me miss him that much more, thinking of what could have been..

    Reply
  67. americanarab

    Hi
    I m naturalized american . I came to america when I was 23 . I recently moved in to Kuwait to work with a gov contractor here in IT . I ‘m so fascinated by the Kuwait women and I think they are one of the sweetest and prettiest women in the middle east.They are educated , sincere , and have a good personality.
    I do speak arabic since I was raised in arabic country however I find it challenging to date a kuwaiti woman or find one to talk to .
    Can you write a post about that ?
    Since you are immersed in the culture would it be possible to ask the kuwaiti woman you know about their opinion on dating americans with arab background?

    :)
    Thanks I enjoyed reading your posts.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi there and thank you for your comment. I think your idea for a post is brilliant but it certainly wouldn’t be clear cut.

      Meeting Kuwaiti women really depends on you. Obviously you’re not going to head out into the desert communities and seek out a bedouin woman… unless you have a death wish. However, in the city Kuwaiti women are often out and about with friends. They spend a lot of time in malls, coffee shops, and restaurants. You can always start by making eye contact to see if she responds. Please don’t stare her down like a thirsty criminal — it’s rude and unwanted behavior. If you find she makes eye contact (and holds it for a period of time) somehow slip her your phone number. Then wait. It could be days — or weeks — before she calls. If she does. And sadly, if you look Arab that could hurt your chances as she could mistake you for a local guy looking for ‘fun’.

      You could also make local friends and kinda follow their lead. But do not ever ask them about sisters, cousins, etc. I can’t stress that enough. Female family members are totally off limits.

      Perhaps one day I’ll invest the time in a full post. Thanks for the idea.

      Reply
  68. Heather

    Hello!
    I just was googling and ran across your blog…I have a question for you and maybe you could give me some insight…I am in the US and have met a Moroccan man who lives nearby in another state…he has lived here most of his life and so has most of his family…he said he is looking for a serious relationship and marriage from the start. I too am looking for a similar relationship. We have been speaking for nearly 5 months…he has spoke to my mother as well telling her he would like to marry me…he is close to my age 40…I do not know of a previous wife and he says no kids..I do know we lives with another male family member for a fact…is this normal to bring up marriage so quickly? I also have a 15 year old son…I dont think he is after a greencard…he has a business. .sorry I had dated a Nepali guy and he made me very suspicious of that…I just looking to see if that is normal for them to act this way…he also does not want me around other guys…no male friends etc…thank you for your time! Great blog!

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Heather,

      It’s difficult for me to say what’s normal for the Moroccan culture as I really have no experience with them at all. However, I would say him not wanting you to have male friends is pretty common. Before you agree to marriage I think you should ask to meet his family — specifically his parents. You mention that he’s talked to your mother, have you ever talked to his? Just like any relationship, it’s only fair that you go into this with all available information and no secrets.

      Wishing you all the best.

      Reply
  69. Heather

    Thank you for your reply…I know nothing about Arab culture at all lol…I do know from research on the net Moroccan men have a bad rap…usually wanting a American wife for citizenship….many marry outside the culture…I have never spoke to his parents at all..he said they go back n forth between NY and Morocco. He spoke to my Mom that time and she is not thrilled with him..she was stunned by him asking for her to convince me to marry him…I am a very straightforward lady…. I told him upfront what I want in a relationship. .I dont play around…he says he likes that about me…he has told me several times he seeks the same thing as I do…I have not caught him in a lie..I have always used my head instead of my heart to rule me…but sometimes I think I sabotage myself…I guess we will meet n see…also my son and I are taking a bus trip to NYC on his spring break one weekend..I mentioned we were going once…never said anything about dates etc…yesterday he said he would be there on those exact dates…he never mentioned it before…not even going to NYC…I asked him when he was going…he said when u are lol….he waited till I told him my dates….lol…I guess we will wait n see….thank you again.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      You’re most welcome, Heather. I think the most important thing to focus on is meeting one another and seeing how things go from there. I believe it’s much easier to get a feel for who a person really is while spending time with them in person. If he doesn’t show up in NYC then I guess it will be an indication of how serious he really is about the relationship. Wishing you all the best.

      Reply
  70. Heather

    I agree I think the meeting is the main part…I wont continue if he is not willing to meet…I will be seeing him in the next 2 weeks weather permitting. .I have friends in NC and my son will be going to NYC with me..I would feel more comfortable meeting him down there as opposed to NY. .and it being very awkward and all for everyone. That way if it does not go well I can jump in the car n head for my friends house lol….thanks again…I will let you all know…

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      I can understand it might be a bit awkward. Is it possible to set aside a specific time to meet him? Maybe somewhere public where you can spend some time just talking and getting to know one another a little better.

      Please keep us posted. Wishing you all the best.

      Reply
  71. Heather

    Yeah we will meet out somewhere. .he says he cant wait to meet me…he also tells me almost daily he loves me…I am much more cautious lol…I feel he came on strong…but he says my straight to the point and knowing what I want is why he knows I am the one for him….I hope we get along well….he seems to be upfront like me in personality….we have had arguments….I agree a lot of it is because of me and my uncertainty. ..I am leery of being used…I guess time will tell and I do hope he is the guy he appears to be..I will let you know if all goes well…:) thanks for all your time AG…

    Reply
  72. Heather

    Well I thought I would update this…we never met…he would go quiet around anytime I planned on meeting him..I did not feel secure..he always accused me of playing games and cheating. .but he seemed very controlling as well..I speak to him a little. .he made me quite angry with his games…and yes he played them. I have been told my other Muslim that it is weird some of what he does.mage has a temper too…threatened to slap me..no way I would meet this man…they is something off about him…wants to call and question my friends! No way would I tolerate this…I am sure many Muslim are fine men…not so sure about Jamal.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Heather and thank you for the update. Sounds like you made the right decision by putting a stop to his games.

      Look at it this way; remove Islam, culture, etc. from the scenario. Would you allow some random man you ONLY know through the internet to delve into the personal details of your life and suggest interrogating your friends? Of course not. Heck, you might even think his behavior warrants a call to the authorities! His behavior has nothing to do with Islam or culture — he’s a creep and sounds dangerous.

      Reply
  73. Roxy

    Dear American Girl,

    I am so relieved to have just stumbled across your story.

    I am an Armenian Iranian, born and raised in London, living in the UAE. Although I am technically Christian, I do not practice Christianity (apart from christmas) in any way.

    My mother, being of Middle Eastern decent, even though Christian, has brought me up with an extremely strict upbringing, therefore growing up I related more to the Middle Eastern/Muslim children due to their equally strict upbringing.

    I have recently begun ‘dating’ and Emirate man from Abu Dhabi, much to the despair of my mother. She has a very one sided view of Islam due to Iran. My man-friend, lets call him ‘John’ is absolutely wonderful. He treats me like a queen, and although we have only been together for 3 short months, I feel from the bottom of my heart that this is the man for me. (I can sway my mother to love him! Inshallah!)

    I know many people who know I am dating a local have told me how ‘stupid’ I am, and i have had numerous comments of ‘he will never marry you’. I have always defended myself and ‘John’ as i believe many of these people are naiive and brainwashed. Until today, when a local girl told me the same thing.

    Although the relationship is fresh, we both have unbelievably strong feelings towards one another. Although I should really be speaking to him regarding this matter, I do not want to bring up the notion of marriage as of yet as even though I feel he is my future hubs, I don’t want him to feel pressured!

    I have not met his family, neither him with mine. My parents know about him, I am still a secret with his family.

    I am becoming a bit anxious that even though we are both head over heels for eachother, his parents, nor him will accept me. I was so certain at first that every family is different and every man regardless of his religion will stand up for the woman his loves nomatter what. But today, when ultimatley belittled by a local girl about dating a local boy, I have suddenly become anxious that i am in a sense, wasting my time?

    I feel as though my mind is being pulled in two different directions! I’m not entirely sure if i am explaining this properly as like i said, my mind is completely all over the place!

    I’m hoping, given your knowledge in this area that you may be able to ease my mind a little :)

    Looking forward to your kind words.

    Roxy x

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Roxy,

      Such an interesting life you’ve lived with the cross cultural/religion upbringing.

      I wish I had definitive answers and guarantees regarding your relationship but sadly, as you know, that’s just not possible. However, I can say you should follow your heart and be cautious at the same time. Keep in mind ‘John’s’ life is dictated by far more than just his religion. He comes from a culture with very deep rooted history and expectations. He comes from a place where family is first, even above his own desires.

      Of course, as you said, no two men are the same. No situations are the same. My husband comes from a very cultural family, but also a very intelligent, educated, open-minded family. So in their case, though culture is important, they also accept so is individual happiness. It’s quite possible your John comes from a similar family.

      Like I advise everyone though… meet the family. No need to push about marriage but you do need to push about no longer being a secret. The longer he keeps you a secret (especially if you’re physically intimate) the less he respects you. Instead of mentioning marriage to him, you might want to mention your need to respect yourself by no longer being a secret girlfriend. Give him the choice to keep you as a friend ONLY or to introduce you to his family.

      My husband was arranging a meeting between his mom, sisters and I within the first week we met. It was me who asked if we could postpone the meeting for a couple of weeks because I was nervous. I knew meeting the family would pretty much seal the deal and a wedding date would come soon after. And it did.

      Telling ‘John’ that you have to think about what’s best for you and your reputation doesn’t mean you’re pushing for marriage. Just that you’re demanding to be respected. If he really loves you the way he says he does, then he’ll respect your need to be respected.

      Wishing you all the best. Please keep us posted.

      Reply
  74. Heather

    Thank you for the sound advice…yeah he acted like a jerk…and even seemed racist towards others…blacks and hispanics especially. I think it was all a game…he has a Facebook full of other women…almost all out of the country too…I have been getting blocked calls etc on my phone…I threatened with the police n it immediately stopped…Mom was getting them too…I am not blaming all Muslim men….just this one…I would not be surprised if he had a wife or kids somewhere either…he posted pics of his nieces and nephews supposedly a lot….thanks for your support…I honestly think he is spiteful but not going to drive 6 hours to mess with me lol…

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Definitely sounds like you’re better off without him. Before you know it you’re going to find someone who loves you the way you deserve and your relationship will be built on honesty and loyalty… not lies.

      Wishing you all the best.

      Reply
  75. Roxy

    Dear American Girl,

    Thankyou so much for your kind words. They have definitely eased my mind on how I can approach this.

    I will take on board your suggestions and speak with him about meeting his family and no longer be a secret, for my own peace of mind and respect for myself, and ultimately our relationship.

    I would also like to say that after reading your story, I am touched. I wish nothing but the best for your future with your wonderful husband.

    I will keep you posted with what happens.

    Thankyou again.

    Roxy x

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      So glad I could help even if just a little, Roxy. I really wish you all the best and hopefully he’ll understand your reasons and respect your feelings. Please do keep me posted.

      Thank you for your kind words.

      Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Thank you! So glad you stopped by. We’ve been living in the US for a little over a year now but take numerous trips back to Kuwait throughout the year to visit family. We’ve both adapted rather well to life here and even acquired a few more pets :) Of course we miss life in Kuwait but we maintain a home there and surely we’ll move back one day.

      Reply
  76. Natalie

    I love your story. I have been video chatting for hours each night with an amazing man who (just my luck) lives in Tikrit. It breaks my heart each day that he cannot be here with me in the US. Any advice on the easiest and safest way for the two of us to meet?

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Natalie, have you considered the possibility of meeting in Kuwait? Surely he can apply for a visit visa as an Iraqi and you would get a visa on arrival. Or, has he thought of applying for a visit visa to the US and visiting you here?

      Reply
      1. Natalie

        He is going to apply for visitor visa but believes he may have a problem due to his age (he is 22). If this doesn’t work we are going to figure out something. I have two young children that I would have problems finding care for in order to leave the country to go to him. It may take awhile but we have to figure it out. I have never felt such so drawn to someone in my life and I hate the worry that I have for his safety everyday. I have learned enough arabic to have a very small conversation with his mother and she seems to appreciate that so I hope I’m doing well :)

        Reply
        1. American Girl Post author

          His age could create a problem when applying for the visa but there’s no harm in giving it a shot. I can see why you wouldn’t want to leave your small children and I can’t blame you. However, depending upon how often you’re physically away from them now (work, nights out, etc) maybe you need a short break and could ask a family member to help out? Of course if you decided to meet him abroad I would absolutely recommend you do so in a SAFE and PUBLIC place — hotel coffee shop, etc. I wouldn’t suggest you attempt to visit Iraq so it really would require him getting a visa.

          As for being concerned for his safety in Iraq, especially Tikrit, I don’t think you have too much to worry about. Yeah, they have suicide bombings from time to time, but certainly nothing as compared to their life a decade ago. Now his life is probably somewhat normal — malls, shopping, movie theaters, coffee shops, etc.

          Be patient and smart… if it’s meant to be it will be.

          Reply
  77. Jolene

    Hi I am a 39 year old American woman who met a 26 years old Algerian man 2 years ago online. We stumbled into this relationship because we were playing a game together online with out iPads. Wasn’t even sure where Algeria was when I first met him. Haha…… We spoke almost a year online before we met but since I’ve been to Algeria twice to see him. I knew from the start he was different than other men I had met, yet still in my mind I kept my distance at first. As time has passed though I’ve fallen deeply in love with him. I’ve never been treated so wonderful and kind by anyone before. When I went to visit him the first time I realized then he was all he said he was. His life was as he told me online. I had met his sisters and family before online, but when I finally came to Algeria and met them in person they were even more lovely and kind. Everyone treated me with such hospitality. They always served me and did all they could to make me comfortable. When I was there this past spring break we did an Islam marriage ceremony. We did not do it legally yet because we are in the process of a fiancé visa and would of messed up the process and had to of started over. So when he comes to me in America we will have 90 days to marry and apply for his green card. I worry sometimes of the difficulties. I know it will be a huge change from what he’s use too, but I feel confident we will be fine. I trust his love for me. He may be Algerian and in many ways he thinks like one, but in many ways he thinks very differently. Thank you for sharing all the stories above. I wish everyone the very best.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Jolene, thank you for sharing your beautiful story. Wishing you all the best. Sounds like you found true love.

      Reply
  78. Heather

    I wish you all the best with your boyfriends and husbands….I dont feel like a Arab man is for me..I maybe too independent etc…I have tried to have a relationship with 2 and neither was good..in fact the one I spoke about on here returned to his country to marry right after we broke up…the other was very different then the man I had been speaking with online…very bossy and demanding. .even made fun of my southern accent…I am sure they are some good men…but it seems like a lot are players and users too….you all have a blessed holiday…and thank you all for sharing.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Heather. Not sure if it’s that Arab men are the problem with your relationships. I just think it’s the men… period. And perhaps even a bit of you as well. When I encounter a similar situation over and over I try to always look at a common theme… is it me?

      I totally agree about the ‘players and users’ but rest assured that’s typical worldwide. I think the ‘player’ confusion with an Arab man comes from his culture. I call it ‘confusion’ because often he doesn’t realize he’s being a player and the victim doesn’t realize she’s being played — it all seems so real until it falls apart because of whatever reason but primarily his cultural obligations.

      Additionally, I think it’s VERY important that you meet in person before really treating it as a true relationship. Watching someone’s behavior while sitting next to them is part of getting to know them. Also, there’s a sense of chemistry that can only be felt when face to face.

      Wishing you all the best. And be safe.

      Reply
  79. Heather

    I agree with a lot of what you say…the last I had known since last year and I had met him in person before….but just recently been spending a lot of time with and he started acting very different after he thought we were a couple…I was very wary of him….but he had been nothing but sweet and a good friend to me….so I was shocked with his attitude…yeah I know the culture is different but I believe they do know they are playing you…I think they do target women they think they will be able to control more easily…
    Both were Moroccan and my friend showed me some stuff on the net and it was over 50 articles…probably closer to 100 + and they were very ummmm…bad….speaking of guys from Morocco…I am sure they are good men from there too….I just won’t date
    another….maybe I am too trusting…but only these guys have acted this way…not any other guy….I mean he was Jekyll and Hyde all the sudden…thank you for your advice…I am glad you have such a fine husband…I just dont trust any man right now lol.

    Reply
  80. Natalie

    Ugh. Don’t know where else to go to vent at this point. I received a message from him nearly 24 hours ago that they had to leave the city due to the danger. At that point there was nothing on the news about Tikrit so I was not sure what was going on, of course now there is. I am sick with worry. I know all he needs to focus on right now is getting to a safe place, but the selfish part of me just wants him to call. I need to know that he is ok. Has anyone had any remotely similar experiences? If so do you have any ideas to keep myself sane??

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      I’m really sorry to hear about his current situation but unfortunately the only thing you can do is be patient. I do hope you’ve heard from him by now and that he’s fine. Also, keep in mind, what you’re shown on television is much worse than what’s really taking place. And as far as him having to leave, it could very well be for precaution, and not because he was in imminent danger. Wishing you all the best. Please keep me posted.

      Reply
  81. Natalie

    Thank you for your support! I did finally hear from him when he was near Baghdad, he has now reached his uncles home in southern Iraq. I tried to hold myself together the best I could when I finally heard his voice, but didn’t do the best job, which caused him to worry about me and that’s the last thing I wanted. I spoke with him on Skype today and being able to see his face was the greatest relief I have ever felt! Thank you again for your response. Most of my friends and family understood that I was upset, but I don’t know that they actually “get” it.

    Reply
  82. nisa

    hi american girl, im so happy to hear your romantic and beautiful story with your husband. and i am glad that you are not like those who comment bad about arab boys. well i am an arab indonesian girl living in indonesia and i am 16 years old, my dad is an aran and my mom is an indonesian, as an arab many people also say bad things and annoyinh things to me, though i live in the islamic country but that doesnt make them stop saying bad things about me, they say i am a terrorist because one time there’s a bomv tragedy in one of the hotels in jakarta where i live and they check out all arabs and muslims who wear hijab and so on, so they call me terrorist and many times they say stupid things like “where is your camel, oh why dont you ride camel” these things are annoying, or sometimes i get stared from up to down, its always an awkward situation walking alone by myself which i have never done except going to school, i dont know why arabs have bad reputation in people’s eyes, is this because we are special or what? i wanna know if your husband gets the same things i get like being stared from up to down while he’s being in the U.S and also how’s life in kuwait, i’d love to know. i really know about arabic culture because i am raised in arabic culture and i can speak arabic a little bit. btw this is my email nisahakim97@yahoo.com , thanks for your kind words about us arab people :)

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi Nisa,

      Sounds like you’ve had a very interesting life. Ignore those who say negative things; they’re simply hateful. Bullies are never happy people so take comfort in knowing they’re miserable and you’re not.

      My husband has never experienced any prejudice in America and I never experienced it while living in Kuwait (as a Caucasian female).

      Wishing you all the best.

      Reply
  83. hm

    I’ve been married to a wonderful Kuwaiti for almost 12 years. Have traveled to meet his family quite a few times and they’ve (for the most part) been nothing but kind. His parents, brother and sisters spent time with us in the States, as well. We now have 3 children together and plan on relocating to Kuwait in December/January to allow our kids to absorb more the language and culture – and get to know more of their family. Any suggestions on how to go about meeting other American women who are married to locals? I’ve looked over a good number of the expat websites and I’m not sure that’s where I should be headed. One of my first priorities will be language immersion, but in the interim, it would be nice to find someone to meet for coffee…..

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      Hi there!

      So excited for you and your family. You’re going to love Kuwait.

      There are numerous ways to meet American women who are married to locals and those who aren’t. Definitely check out Desert Girl’s blog as she’s a wealth of information. She’s incredibly welcoming and knows a lot of Westerners married to locals who I’m sure she would love to introduce you to. You can also check out Life in Kuwait’s blog. She’s an American married to a local living in Kuwait with her children. She also has great information on activities for children as well as local language classes, local cultural events, and just overall things to do in Kuwait.

      Being there with your husband and his family should make the transition fairly easy for you. You’ll have his female family members to spend time with, talking, laughing, and just having a great time.

      Have you looked into schools for your children? There are a number of great private American schools (costly) but I’m not sure how much Arabic they’re really going to learn there. I suspect just being around the family will help with their Arabic language skills though.

      You’re going to have a fabulous time. And if you ever find yourself feeling down, homesick, bored, or lonely… go shopping :) There’s plenty of THAT in Kuwait.

      Reply
      1. hm

        Thanks for the positive reply. I’m excited for the big change, and glad my kids will have the opportunity to get to know this whole other side of their family and be exposed to more culture and language while they are still young. We’ve looked into schools and gotten reocommendations. You’re right – the tuition is brutal. But, here they’re in a private school so they can learn islamic studies and arabic – and we are already paying tuition. In Kuwait, like here, they’ll have Arabic as a second language, but I’m hoping playing with all the cousins will speed them along, too. They really are like sponges when they’re this little.

        My husband’s family has been wonderful from the first time I was introduced to them, and I’m anxious to learn the language so I can have some stronger relationships there. But, thanks so much for the advice on reaching out. I’ll take it.

        Big change is always a bit scary, but I’m seeing lots of benefits for us as a family, So, hoping to get through the inevitable culture shock, make new friends and just enjoy a new chapter in my life.

        Its been interesting watching some of the recent events over there. I hope the momentum for change pushes on. It really is a place with great potential. The amout of ideas and projects on the political/fiscal back burner right now is astounding. Would be great to see some of that come to fruition.

        Thanks again for you suggestions.

        Reply
  84. The Dude

    Thanks American Girl, that’s awesome!
    Meeting and maybe eventually marrying an American Muslim would be pretty ideal and fantastic for me! However though, it’s kinda hard to meet such a woman when you live in small college town USA (three more years to finish my doctorate.) Plus, it’s not like I’m gonna run into her at happy hour!

    Every time I visit Kuwait I am shocked with the mentality of (most) Kuwaiti women (and men), and the culture as a whole. I truly applaud you for saying that Kuwait’s culture is very easy to adapt to–That is certainly not the case with me. One time I was sitting down with a group of Kuwaitis discussing families and kids. I mentioned that one day I would encourage my daughter when she reaches college age to move out of the house and pursue her own journey of knowledge and self-discovery. I almost got stoned to death!! (I’m pretty sure you can imagine why!)

    The majority of Kuwaiti women (careful not to generalize), with all due respect, lack the real and true definition of partnership in life (Kuwaiti men are guilty of that too.) I’m sure there are some really fine women out there, but then again, can you ever trust a chick who doesn’t know baseball?!?

    Thanks again, American Girl. Your forum is awesome. Thanks for letting some random dude vent.

    Peace, and more power to you.

    The Dude, a.k.a. Khalid.

    Reply
    1. American Girl Post author

      In the last decade Kuwait has really become quite progressive. There’s something about this generation that’s really inspiring. Most, young men and women, are wanting to see positive change in their country and are actively working to make a difference. Women, though still very protected by men, are pursuing prominent careers and higher education. My sisters in law all completed their university studies and have lucrative careers/businesses. However, though my husband’s family is from a bedu tribe, they’re very open minded, intelligent, and cultured.

      In your case, because you’re not sure if you want to stay in the US or move to Kuwait and perhaps you’ll be like us and do a little of both several times a year, marrying an American would probably be more ideal for you. So, finding one? Well, we know several Arab American couples who met using dating sites and are now happily married with a dozen children :) Or, you could attend some events that your local Islamic Center is offering — after Ramadan.

      Thank you for your kind words. You’re going to find that woman who’s just right for you. I’m sure of it.

      Reply
      1. The Dude

        Thank you very much, American Girl. Your blog actually gave me hope that maybe an American woman CAN stand a life and a future in Kuwait. That’s really fantastic!

        I know that I get along much better with American women, but I didn’t want to be selfish by being in a relationship with an American woman knowing (or thinking) that it would be very difficult for her to live there if we have to move our family there one day. Maybe I was being too careful since it’s been very difficult for me to live there–and I’m from there!! Oh well, I guess no one really knows what the future holds.

        Thanks for the tip about the Muslim dating sites. I’ve tried match.com once but for some reason, somehow, I’ve only seemed attractive to dudes from Nigeria and Russia pretending to be chicks and then asking for money! Yeah, I know, the shit was funny as hell :)

        Thanks again.

        Reply
  85. Denise

    Hi my name is Denise. I realize this is not a dating site but if anyone would be interested in emailing me. Leave a message on here and we can contact by email. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog American girl. Thank you.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>