It’s been a long time coming I suppose. And even now I struggle with the idea of closing the blog forever, so I’ve made the decision to leave it here for the time being.
I started the blog almost a decade ago yet it certainly doesn’t feel that way. What was initially a way to keep family and friends updated on my life abroad turned into a personal journal which evolved into a ‘life guide’ for those in similar situations. As we recently moved our company websites to another server, my husband also moved my blog. My husband, who is pretty much responsible for most of our IT stuff, also does periodic site reviews (stats, views, hits, etc) and discovered that since the blog’s inception I’ve had well over 4 million hits. I could have never imagined what started off as a simple desire to chat about personal silliness resulted in such an overwhelming response. I’m humbled and honored. But more importantly, I hope along this journey I’ve provided some insight which helped at least one person through whatever struggle they were dealing with at the time.
When my husband and I first moved to America over a year and a half ago I faced a lot of challenges. I had to adapt to being home… in my own country. I missed Kuwait on almost every level and thought of every excuse in the book to travel back as often as possible. However, that feeling has long since left me. Now the only ‘missing’ I feel in regard to Kuwait are my in-laws. The idea of moving back to Kuwait permanently almost scares me as a feeling of dread comes over me every time I think about the possibility. The first 6 months home consisted of me reminding my husband of our life in Kuwait, our home there, and encouraging him to move back. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way and now, if the topic ever comes up, it’s generally us discussing how our lifestyle no longer meshes with what living in Kuwait had to offer. Even blogging about Kuwait, local events there, or ‘hot topics’ doesn’t appeal to me… at all. And while I’m still inundated with invites and requests to post information, I just don’t. Not out of disrespect towards any organization, but because my personal interest has just gone in a completely different direction.
When I think of blogging now (yes, I still think about the blog often) I find myself wanting to discuss topics such as animal welfare, planting organic veggies and herbs, healthy living, raw food diets for dogs, outdoor cattery expansions, landscaping, home building, business development, or education. And honestly, who would be interested in any of that? Those topics often interest people who are participating in those activities… not searching for blogs that write about them. And us… well, we actively participate in them as well. Leaving very little time to write about them.
I’m not a big fan of loose ends and I absolutely despise movies that end in that ‘open ended’ sort of way. Who does that crap?! I need closure. Heck, I long for closure! I need closure so badly that I sometimes ponder incidents from years ago trying to pinpoint a feasible ending that perhaps I missed at the time… just so I can stop pondering them. Tis’ the reason for this post. Closure. As I’ve left the blog sitting stagnant for so long it’s been eating away at me. There have been a number of times I’ve almost blogged about a vacation, a restaurant, or, well, even fall weather wardrobe shopping just to fill pages. But that’s never been my purpose for blogging and I’m certainly not going to resort to that now. Not that those topics don’t have a level of interest to them, but my time constraints just wouldn’t allow me to invest what is required to present them the way I would want them presented.
Stability, schedules, and absolute serenity. That’s my life today. Over the years of blogging I’ve grown, changed, and become a woman I had only dreamed of becoming one day. I’m that person I would see in a mall or at a restaurant and say, “I bet her life is perfect. How amazing it must be to walk in her shoes.” Obviously I had no clue what the random stranger’s life was like but I knew I wanted my inside to look like their outside. And today, it does. Sure, I have a long way to go and I’m loving the journey, but at least now I know the recipe for having this life; stop comparing my inside to someone’s outside. Ironic, huh? When I was forced, due to incredible time restrictions and a nightmare schedule, to stop asking the ‘what if’s', ‘what was’, and ‘what could possibly be’s', I accidentally embraced ‘what is’. So here I am; better than I was yesterday and hoping to be even better tomorrow than I am today.
Will I ever blog again? I certainly hope so. But when I do it will more than likely not resemble anything this blog has offered. I’ll focus more on things that bring me absolute joy today. During this phase of my life.
While there’s a part of me that misses blogging, I take great comfort in knowing it was me who made the decision to take a break. You see, when you allow people into your private life by sharing it in a public forum you inevitably acquire a certain number of ‘haters’ for lack of a better word. And it almost seems the happier I became, the more my haters would go out of their way to leave negative comments, create fake accounts to follow me on social media, and even make up silly lies about me in hopes of getting some form of recognition? And though that behavior never negatively impacted my personal life, it did leave me realizing my mistake was expecting others to be as happy for me as I was for myself. When I accepted that was never going to happen it caused me to become more protective of the details of our daily lives. I’m certainly not going to put the most important people/things in my life out there to be ridiculed, scrutinized, or criticized. This resulted in the blog taking a new direction… a direction I wasn’t a fan of, didn’t feel connected to, and had no interest in following. Coupled with the outright lack of time, it just feels like the right moment to hit the pause button, focus on what makes me smile, and dedicate myself to personal goals I’ve set for myself.
My Twitter and Instagram accounts are still open though rarely active. Though I have found popping onto Instagram, uploading a picture, and banging out a few words about that moment are much easier than dedicating the time required for a full blog post.
On a positive note, I will continue to write. Writing has been my passion since I was in 3rd grade, drew a little cartoon illustrating a man being rude, providing captions on how he could improve his behavior, and my father hung it on the refrigerator. He’s always been my biggest fan and was the one who taught me to read at the age of 2. For a number of years I’ve written contributing articles for local newspapers and those located in the GCC, case studies relating to human rights issues published in annual reports, research papers, company policies, training modules, and cultural diversity handbooks for employers abroad. I simply love to write, especially when I’m invested in the topic. So yeah, I’ll write. And one day, in the future, I’ll probably start another blog (or modify this one) for a completely different reason than the one I had at the inception of this blog.
For now I’ll do my best to post comments, reply, and answer emails in a timely manner.
Thank you all for taking this journey with me, teaching me by sharing your experiences, and allowing me to peek into your lives just as I allowed you into mine.